


Umbrella

by cffn, seitsemannen



Category: GOT7
Genre: Butt Slapping, Canon Compliant, Denial, Dirty Talk, Dorms, M/M, Markson are bad at talking about feelings, Misunderstandings, Pining, Praise Kink, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Slow Burn, a bit of bondage, and a lot of smut, but you know us, porn with a little plot, some mild gagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2018-10-02 16:54:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10222886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cffn/pseuds/cffn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seitsemannen/pseuds/seitsemannen
Summary: All it took was one rainy night in July, two ice creams and a shared umbrella, and Mark was falling slowly but steadily head over heels for one Jackson Wang. He had tried to dismiss his feelings for years, but as Jackson kept sending him mixed messages and giving him hope, Mark had finally had enough.It was too bad, really, that Jackson distracted him far too easily from finding answers the moment they tumbled into bed together. Step by step, the new things Mark found out about Jackson only made him fall harder, their relationship quickly turning into something uncontrollable and wild.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a Markson relay on our twitters, but then we decided to add an intro and continue to grow this into a full story. No direction but just a lot of misunderstandings, denial and smut :D Enjoy~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **EDIT 17/12/2017:**  
>  Proofread and edited the chapter again while preparing to write more.  
> \- seitsemannen

It started with ice creams and a shared umbrella on a rainy July evening. Mark's inevitable fall to his personal doom, that is, which was falling in love with Jackson Wang on what was basically first sight. Mark had never considered himself romantically inclined, but he fell head over heels that night, over simple things like how easily Jackson made friends with him, how welcome it was to speak English with someone who spoke it fluently after the Korean that surrounded them (and that Mark barely spoke), and his smile.

And oh, that smile. Whether it was with closed lips or mouth open and teeth showing as he laughed, Jackson's smile drew Mark in and sank a hook so deep in his chest no amount of struggling would have gotten him free.

But although Mark was young, he wasn't naive. He recognized the crush for what it was and expected that it would go over after a while when he got to know the other boy and saw worse sides of him. But he saw those sides, like how the younger once insisted Mark smell his sweaty socks and the way Jackson got all childish and petty over the smallest things, like who had taken the last piece of chicken without asking, or when someone complimented someone else did they mean to imply Jackson wasn't whatever they said, or something. Jackson annoyed Mark often enough, but still, although months passed, Mark found the boy from Hong Kong as charming as he had on that first rainy day, even though he actually knew the other now. And it was still in that romantic and physical interest sort of way. Mark had hoped his crush would fade into a simple friendship, but no. No such luck.

After realizing his crush wasn’t going to just fade, Mark tried hanging out with other people instead (Jinyoung was a wonderful refuge of calm and sensible compared to Jackson's flurry of crazy impulsive energy, and Bambam was just the right amount of awkward to be cute, growing something like an inch a month as he struggled with puberty, but still good company and a lot of fun). He very quickly noted that Jackson had no problem finding company to hang out with although Mark was too busy, and he told himself that it was good to keep some distance, that it would help him to get over the silly crush that would only get in way of their careers later on.

Because Mark was young, sure, but he was also a realist. Fact: most people were straight. In fact, Jackson had a girlfriend, an undeniable fact, although Mark had overheard the younger telling Jinyoung that he would break up with her before debut. And alright, Mark had had a girlfriend back in LA too, but that was mostly because he hadn't known there was any other option than liking girls, and having a girlfriend was what everyone did. He had, however, figured out quickly enough that he wasn't interested in girls. That had been a couple of wild weeks of identity crisis, after which he miraculously managed to stay as friends with his ex, while not outing himself to like half the city, a miraculous feat. Jackson, however, seemed honestly saddened about the imminent breakup, and it was obvious how much he loved the girl. So, although Mark knew the other boy would be single soon enough, the odds were that Jackson wasn't interested in boys, not to even mention that he would like Markspecifically out of all the possible choices.

And anyway, they were supposed to debut together. Mark wasn't going to fuck everything up by confessing unrequited feelings. He was a realist. It would lead to no good.

Unfortunately though, the avoiding hanging out with Jackson alone did nothing to tamper the unwanted feelings, and no matter how much Mark would try to avoid Jackson, they saw each other on a daily basis at training. On top of that, in a turn of events Mark thought to be fate being a miserable mistress, Mark and Jackson had ended up rooming together. So, the only thing avoiding Jackson did, was make Jackson think Mark hated him, or something, and definitely that Mark was a boring mute who never spoke, according to his own words that Mark wasn’t supposed to have overheard. But he had, and the words stung in Mark’s chest, but he told himself it was alright, as those things had been true lately, hadn’t they?

Mark stopped avoiding Jackson after that, but he was by nature quieter than Jackson, so, not much changed. Jackson didn't seem to notice, at least. Mark kept going out for ice creams with Jinyoung instead, the Korean boy going out of his way to make Mark feel welcome, helping him with his Korean studies. The younger did this despite being much busier than Mark was, shuffling school on top of all the practices they had, and Mark was very grateful for him. Mark had been over the moon to hear Jinyoung and Jaebum would re-debut in a group with them. Mark could use a good friend in the group.

Having friends in the group ended up being something he wouldn't have needed to be worrying about, because after Youngjae was added to the group at the last minute, and the seven of them trained their asses off for the seven months before their scheduled debut, they all became friends to at least some degree.

A week before debut, when Mark came back to the dorm after having spent the afternoon with Jinyoung in the park, he found Jackson in their room with obvious signs of having just cried his eyes out written on his face. Immediately Mark knew what had happened, and he couldn’t find any joy in it. Jackson really wasn’t the most attractive crier, his whole face turning red and nose running when he cried, but it was in that moment that Mark realised for sure that what he had fallen for was not Jackson’s looks at all, but rather him as a person, a whole, with the good and the bad. It wasn’t a comforting thought though, because it only meant he was royally fucked, but it was the truth, another fact that he had to accept and be a realist about.

Without asking (unnecessarily) what was wrong, Mark informed Jackson that they would go out for late night ice creams, and they did. They didn’t talk, Jackson uncharacteristically quiet as he half-heartedly licked at his ice cream, so slowly that it started melting even though it was a cold January evening. Despite the stifling silence, Mark didn’t know how to start a conversation, never one for idle chatter or good at voicing his thoughts at all. Also, he didn't feel like the topic was one he had the right or means to address, so they walked in heavy silence instead, only broken by Jackson's occasional sniffling. The younger was doing his best to hide his crying under the cap he wore, but there was no umbrella that could have protected them from the rain that fell on both of their hearts for distinctly different reasons.

They debuted. He and Jackson were on better terms, but when the younger claimed them to be best friends in front of cameras, Mark wondered why the usually so straightforward boy would go out of his way to lie, considering that Jackson still complained that the only things Mark said to him were asking him to turn off the lights in their room. They hung out more, for sure, going shopping and eating sometimes with just the two of them, but it was nothing Mark would say to be on the level of being best friends with anyone. Not that he would have anyone else who would deserve the title either, his friends from LA so far away and the strict age system in Korea really working against situations like these, where in the whole JYP Entertainment there weren’t that many persons that were born in the same year and were of the same sex. The foreign trainees had never cared about that of course, but really. The pool of people to make friends from was tiny.

Mark had to remind himself occasionally why this idol thing was something that he wanted, but at the end of the day, the bond he had with the other members was strong and precious. Even though Jackson made his heart ache, Mark wanted to stay. He wanted to stay more than he had wanted anything else in a long while. He told himself he was content just staying in Jackson’s circle of friends as he waited for his own feelings to grow cold so he could for once not have his heart try to outshine his martial arts skills when that smile he so loved was directed at him.

Mark didn’t want to have hope. Without the hope of Jackson loving him back, he would never feel the need to do anything about his feelings. That was why when Jackson for the first time said something very pro-LGBTQ in Mark’s presence – on a live radio transmission too – Mark wished he would have died on the spot. Hope was a terrible thing, a virus that took over the brain and was impossible to cure.

Jackson had always being touchy and friendly, and Mark had never thought anything of it, because Jackson got familiar with anyone, hugging and touching and holding. But with hope Mark was now second guessing every touch Jackson gave him, every interaction they had, and those thoughts were dangerous to Mark’s continued cardiovascular health. In short: it was driving Mark insane.

He was still a realist, not ready to risk everything on a tiny chance, but he knew by now that it was futile denial to think that if he was just patient, if he tolerated everything, his feelings would eventually move on. He had already had a crush on Jackson Wang for years at this point, the feelings weren't going anywhere. Not that it could be called just a crush anymore, but it was kinder for Mark’s sanity to keep calling it that in his head than to label it the L word. Some denial was nice, some ignorance was bliss, and lying to oneself was a fun hobby that Mark had picked up at some point.

His infected brain, however, found good excuses to test his limits. Over the years they had grown closer with Jackson, like, to something that could actually be called best friends without it feeling like a lie, and Mark, he ended up doing foolish things. Like looking up pictures their fansites took of them together (Mark hadn’t known he glanced at Jackson that often, he really didn’t, but what made him feel awfully too giddy was the way Jackson apparently looked at him when he wasn’t looking), being fonder and more touchier with Jackson, and going to get dinner with just the two of them whenever they got the chance. Just basic best friend things, right? Not really, not with Mark’s motives. But for every friendly or borderline flirty gesture he did towards Jackson, Jackson answered with several in kind, and hope was a consuming disease, only growing stronger with every small thing it was given.

Mark didn’t miss the way Jackson easily did what he asked, how much the younger seemed to enjoy making him laugh, and how protective and kind he was towards Mark whenever the older faced criticism about his quiet character. Jackson was still the one who did the most damage with the persistent complaints about talking to Mark being like talking to a wall even after Mark knew that Jackson knew those weren’t true, not with all the moments they had shared. Still, Jackson kept saying those things for reasons Mark didn't understand, and the words hurt worse than anyone else's Jackson defended him from. Jinyoung was always quick to defend the oldest in those moments, and Mark was glad for the Korean male, taking comfort in his tactful empathy.

In his darker moments Mark wished he had crushed on the sensible and calm, book-loving Korean male instead. It would have been easier for sure. Jinyoung never spoke over him, always considerate of his feelings and his personality, never toying with his heart like Jackson did.

Unfortunately Mark had had absolutely no choice in for whom his heart had fallen for. If he had a conscious choice and he would have for some reason had to choose someone from their group, he would have much rather had Jinyoung, or even Jaebum, than Jackson. Jackson was trouble. Jackson was everything Mark was not, sociable, impatient, loud and making easily friends with anyone. They shared some traits, like impulsiveness and a terrible sense of humour, but wouldn’t it be better to pair someone impulsive with someone more level-headed, anyway?

They clashed sometimes. Not very often, because Mark aimed to think before he spoke and he tolerated a lot when it came to Jackson, but they still did, sometimes. One of those times, when it had gotten really bad and Mark had evacuated to the maknaes room, Yugyeom had tried to comfort him by telling him that Jackson was like the sun: so bright and in-your-face that he burned and blinded sometimes, but not to be evil. He was the sun, it was not his fault that his rays could be damaging, he was just shining on. Mark had asked what that made him, and after a long pause Yugyeom had told him that he was like the moon, his light one that didn’t burn but brought comfort instead. Mark had laughed in the maknae's face, not meaning to be unkind, but in his upset state managing to be so, complaining that the moon was completely irrelevant compared to the sun, cold and lifeless, and even the light that it shone was just reflections of the sun’s rays anyway. It had been quite a fitting metaphor actually, with how crucial Jackson had become to Mark’s happiness and how replaceable he felt he was in Jackson’s life, but he hadn't been about to say that.

Jinyoung told him a week later (because of course he had overheard, the screen of a door between Jinyoung’s and the maknaes' room making basically no difference) that the sun and moon symbolized star-crossed lovers in lots of cultures, the yin and yang that balanced each other out despite being opposites. It didn’t really make Mark feel better, especially since the moon was often considered to be the female, the weaker one. Sure, Mark knew he was pretty, but he refused to be considered the feminine or weaker one even if and when he would be in a relationship with a guy.

Mark started hitting the gym more diligently after that, bulking up several pounds in the matter of months. Jackson admired his progress in a very loud and showy manner, taking every chance to show Mark’s more muscular body off to the fans. Mark was sure there had to be at least somethingdefinitely gay in the appreciative looks Jackson sent his way. He just wasn't sure if it was enough.

But Mark had had enough of waiting.

And it was not because he would be an impatient person, no, in the contrary. Patience was a virtue and Mark had plenty of it, knowing that there was a time and place for everything, and believing that if he gave things time, they would sort themselves out. Perseverance had brought Mark far in his life, taking him where he was now with his career, living in a country which language he didn't even speak two words of before he had moved there. He practiced or waited for hours with a cool and level head, even when the people around him got stressed or impatient to the point of nervous breakdowns.

But Jackson Wang was his biggest challenge yet, a tornado of a person that had Mark at his breaking point, his patience finally running out.

Anyone who spent more than thirty seconds in a room together, let alone, with Jackson Wang understood that dealing with the man on a daily basis required a lot of patience. Jackson Wang was energy in motion, talkative and all over the place, making friends with anyone in his reach and also driving them insane with his antics sooner than later, and Mark wasn't immune. Mark, however, was in a different situation than most, living and working with the man, being friends, best friends, for so many years, but that wasn't the worst of it. No, Mark's patience was immense, and he could deal with all of Jackson's impatience and whining and jokes, if it weren't for one thing, the one thing he had tried to hide and deny for so long.

Because no matter what he had tried to call it over the years, it was true. Mark had been in love with Jackson since the day they had met, when it had rained and they had eaten ice cream under a shared umbrella. And maybe he would have been able to tolerate Jackson's playfully meant words and endless teasing forever, if it weren't for the fact that he was in love with the boy and that oaf of a man was giving him mixed signals, one day accepting the expensive matching jewelry Mark had bought him on a dangerous whim and wearing it with pride for months and months, and on another claiming that they weren't close at all despite all that they had been through, clinging onto their other members like he didn't very well know by now how jealous Mark got in those moments.

It drove Mark absolutely insane, because one moment it seemed like Jackson was responding to his advances, and yet in another the younger was playing it off like it was nothing, but it was, it had to be. The Hong Kongese man never went as often to dinner dates with others, never bought matching anything with anyone else, never acted with someone else like in the early stages of dating, not as obviously as with Mark. Mark had been really trying to imply he was interested in Jackson in subtle-ish ways (because straight-out confessing was an invitation for straight-out refusal), wanting to figure out if Jackson was maybe interested in him too. But nothing had happened, everything was just friendly and flirty with Jackson with no indication of if something was meant as real interest or no, and Mark was getting tired of being patient, of waiting for Jackson to figure out his feelings and make up his mind. He was tired of not knowing whether he should just somehow give up the hope he had been infected with, or pursue the younger more aggressively.

Jackson Wang was, for him, a peace destroyer. He had waltzed into Mark’s life, made it impossible to forget him and continued to confuse Mark the more they lived and worked together.

He had tolerated Jackson Wang and his mixed messages for years, and yet the man kept torturing him. It was enough to justify revenge, wasn’t it? Well, a sort of revenge. It was just stuffing a sock down Jackson’s throat, making the younger shut up for a moment and listen so that Mark could show him exactly how irritated and frustrated the older was with Jackson continuing to test his patience.

His plan wasn’t anything too detailed, of course, because living with a bunch of other dudes, it was fairly uncommon for any of them to have full privacy, so Mark had to make do with what he got, and improvise the rest. And he certainly would.

The timing was perfectly planned. Jinyoung was out, Bambam was shopping with Yugyeom and Youngjae and Jaebum were locked in one room, probably composing more songs, the musical geniuses they were. Mark was waiting patiently, like he always did, on the couch, seemingly doing nothing but snoozing. He was good at pretending to be asleep, though he usually did actually fall asleep, but not today. Today he was going to get the cat out of the bag and get some damned answers from his elusive and flighty best friend.

It took almost two hours of waiting, and during that time Mark could had seen Bambam and Yugyeom returning, prancing around and giggling about something, and he had heard when Jaebum went to the kitchen to make something to eat and the returned afterwards to the room he was cooped up in. It was relatively quiet for the most of the time, especially after the maknaes retired back to their room, and Mark realized with a jolt when the front door slammed shut that he had actually fallen asleep at some point.

Despite his sluggishly activating brain functionality, he was alert the moment he recognized the heavy footsteps on the floor.

Jackson.

Mark hid the smile quickly and shifted only enough to be more comfortable, more natural, looking like he was still sleeping peacefully.

His patience was rewarded when a shadow fell over him, blocking the daylight from the window, and Mark could smell Jackson standing there, sweat with a faint trace of the bodywash Jackson used, probably bending over him now and looking at his face from close up.

“Hyung? Are you awake?” Of course he was, but Mark wasn’t going to tell Jackson that just yet. “Always sleeping, aren’t you. Mark, you should eat more. You sleep so much it’s making you skinnier.” Jackson was quiet for a while and Mark heard him stifling a sneeze. “Aish, I wish I was skinny like you. You’re so handsome it’s making me kind of jealous because everyone thinks you’re so sexy.”

Mark had trouble keeping his face relaxed. He was so ready to blink his eyes open and shove Jackson’s jealousy down his throat, though, if he was really honest with himself, he was almost pleased Jackson felt at least some twinge in the chest because of him. But was that all Mark was to him; just a thin body Jackson could be envious of?

Push and pull. That’s what Jackson was. So cold sometimes, other times like a bloody annoying kid with his antics, and then again he could be cute and affectionate, bringing Mark to his knees with idiotic jokes, making his cheeks hurt from laughing too much. And he could be sexy as fuck. That was the worst part.

Jackson was so smoulderingly hot that it really was insane that the man couldn’t see it himself at all. But Mark did. And he had spent so many hours sneaking glances at Jackson when he was changing his shirt or meandering around their shared apartment in nothing but a tiny towel wrapped around his waist, appreciating all that inherent sexiness Jackson had. It was natural that Mark had seen Jackson naked more than once, it was impossible to live here without accidents like that happening.

All those memories were well imprinted in his mind, saved up for lonely nights when his patience was running thin and yearning was spilling over. Those nights he really wished he had a private room or a lock on the door.

Mark’s train of thought was cut off when he felt his hair being brushed off from his forehead. His breath almost hitched, the air feeling like was getting stuck in his throat all of a sudden, while he still fought to feign calm and even breaths.

Jackson was being unusually quiet. He was threading Mark’s hair carefully with his fingers, almost reverently.

Mark snapped his eyes open, unable to stop himself. It was time for action.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh. Hi Mar– uh, hyung. I thought you were sleeping. Sorry to wake you up. There was… Was a, uh, there was dust on your face!” Jackson quickly babbled, making up excuses as he went, just like he always did.

Mark wasn’t convinced. “Right. Dust.”

“Yeah! That’s right! You sleep so much you’re starting to gather a layer of dust.” Jackson let out a nervous, high laughter, taking one step back, away from the couch, probably about to make an excuse and leave the situation that was turning too embarrassing for him. But Mark knew him, and this time, he was faster.

He caught Jackson’s hand, pulled the slightly shorter man closer, and with a inelegant move that only worked because Jackson was off guard, he threw Jackson on his back onto the couch, consequently sitting himself square over Jackson’s legs like it was nobody’s business.

A variety of emotions flashed over Jackson’s face; surprise, annoyance, fear, irritation, laughter, curiosity…

“What the… The hell you’re doing Mark!”

“Shut up,” Mark gritted out from between his teeth. “I’m tired of your games.”

Jackson's mouth snapped shut with an audible sound, eyes big and wide as he stared up at the hyung towering over him. The younger man’s throat working as he swallowed, the movement of his adam's apple one that Mark couldn't help but follow with his eyes. Anyway, the important thing was that Jackson didn't look scared, nor was he fighting back or telling Mark to stop – Mark didn't intend to do anything Jackson didn't want, no, the point was to draw out what Jackson truly wanted from under the bravado and jokes and constant dismissal. And for that purpose having Jackson lying down on the sofa beneath Mark peacefully, like he belonged there, was exactly what Mark wanted. The younger was finally shutting up and listening, and if this was what it took – Mark taking control of the situation and crowding Jackson against a surface to get some answers out of him – Mark should have done this ages ago.

“You’re driving me crazy Jackson Wang, and you haven’t taken any responsibility for it.” Mark spoke the words in a quiet voice both out of consideration towards the others who weren’t more than a door away, and because he knew it sounded dangerous like that, low pitched and almost a murmur.

Their position was maybe a bit awkward with the way one of Mark’s knees were between Jackson’s thighs right below his crotch where the older was holding himself up on all fours above the younger, but Mark was not about to break the moment to adjust their position. He could for now push the fact that his lower thigh was almost pressed against Jackson’s crotch out of his mind.

“Whatever it is, I’m sorry, hyung. I won’t do it again.” So much for shutting up and listening, that had lasted a grand twenty seconds or so. Also, Jackson was missing the point and apologising again immediately without even knowing what Mark was talking about. Not what Mark wanted at all.

The guttural sound of frustration that left Mark’s throat was pretty much a growl. “No, goddamn it, that’s not what I meant, Jackson, don’t try to get yourself out of this by giving in and apologising, that’s not how this is gonna work.”

Jackson made a strangled sound that was halfway between a whine and a swallowed complaint, but what was more interesting than that was the distinct and fleeting movement that Mark felt against the material of the skinny jeans that covered his legs, more specifically right where his leg was resting between Jackson’s legs more out of convenience than a conscious choice.

“Did you just–“ Mark begun, and he hadn’t gotten this far to not confirm something as important as this, so he shifted to move his knee back against the material of the sofa to fully press his thigh against the front of Jackson’s pants– “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you–“

The difference between a Jackson who was willingly in a moment and one who wanted to get out of a situation right there and then was not one someone could miss, because there were immediately hands at Mark’s shoulders, shoving him back and up. The younger hurled himself onto the floor in a graceless escape from where Mark had had him right where he had wanted, and now Jackson was trying to slip out of his grasp again when they were finally getting somewhere.

Had Jackson just run off? Had he actually just shoved Mark off and run?

Oh yes, he had.

Mark felt the the anger rising like the pressure in a dangerous volcano, ready to start spitting lava out. Jackson wasn’t going to get away this time, absolutely not. Not when the younger clearly had wanted this but was just escaping with his tail between his feet again, avoiding instead of confronting the situation head on.

“You son of b-” Mark cursed under his breath and strode after the idiot who was holding his heart in pincers. This had gone on long enough, and now the idiot taunted him like this? Misbehaviour was just going to earn Jackson a lesson about how to actually handle situations where he was supposed to stay quiet, and not run off all of a sudden when things were only getting interesting.

It was really too bad for Jackson that the only place where he could hide at the moment was in Mark's and Youngjae’s room, as the other rooms, excluding Jinyoung's, were occupied at the moment. Jackson might not have known that though, and just ran into the room he used to share with Mark out of habit, but that hardly mattered, as long as Mark got to him alone.

Mark stepped in, eyes blazing, closing the door behind him with a calculated move. He didn’t want the other guys to pick up on the blooming argument that was threatening to form between him and Jackson, if it could be avoided. Jackson was standing in the middle of the cluttered room, looking distinctly like a deer in headlights as Mark turned to pin him down with a gaze, the tanned man’s eyes wide and his face flushed.

Wait…

Flushed?

“What was that?” Mark cornered Jackson easily against a table littered with make-up products, accessories and notebooks, cutting effectively the only escape route Jackson might take. The window didn’t count, firstly because it was locked, and secondly because they lived several floors high and with no fire escape ladders around that Jackson could make a daring escape on. He might have tried, otherwise. You never knew with Jackson Wang.

“I didn’t do anything! I don’t know what you’re talking about. You were acting funny! How was I supposed to react with how you were acting, huh? You looked like you were going to… Going to…” Jackson stumbled with his words, his eyes looking everywhere but Mark, darting around the room. Although his mouth was moving, spouting protests and excuses like it always did, Jackson wasn’t trying to push Mark away. That alone was already confusing as hell, only irritating Mark more. Jackson was contradicting himself without addressing the real problem, showing red light green light right after one another.

Or maybe Jackson really didn’t know what was going on. But that would make him either stupid, or blind, or both.

Or maybe he wasn’t as oblivious to Mark's feelings as he acted like. That was a nice, hopeful thought, but not one Mark believed to be possible with how far they had come in their not-quite-relationship. At least Mark didn’t for even a moment dare to hope that Jackson would be anywhere near the same page as he was. Or that he would really return Mark’s feelings.

But whatever the reason, Mark had had it.

“You were supposed to lay there quietly and listen to me. Only speak when asked a question from, but I suppose I’m going to have to resort to other means to make that happen.” Mark eyed Jackson, his thoughts running wild, trying to figure out the easiest way to make his threat reality.

His eyes fell on the clothes piled up on the chair. He smirked, an interesting idea popping up in his mind, and he moved without even thinking about it, grabbing Jackson by his arms and hurling him around.

“Wha–” Jackson managed to squeak before he was unceremoniously thrown down on his back on Youngjae’s bed. The second time Mark had managed to surprise the younger that night, it was becoming an amazing track record. Mark followed right behind him, a bundle of assorted clothes in his hands. “Mark, what is this, what are you doing?”

“I told you to shut up. It’s either this, or duct tape, and that hurts like a bitch to take off. Your choice, but you’re going to shut up and answer some questions for me.” Mark help up a sock he rolled up. Jackson’s eyes nearly bulged out in surprise and he squirmed restlessly, but still he wasn’t pushing Mark away. He could have easily just thrown Mark off of him again and stop this obvious bullying if he wanted to. But no, the younger was staying despite running his mouth with protests.

“You gotta be kidding me…” Jackson whined, his eyes flickering from the black sock to Mark’s face nervously. “You’re joking, right? This is just one of your pranks, isn’t it? I mean even you wouldn’t be this mean, right?” The rambling wasn’t really helping Jackson’s situation. Mark put the sock away for the moment, his mind somehow foggy, for a moment wondering if he should step back and let Jackson go, if this was too much or just enough after all.

The relief that washed across Jackson’s face was almost amusing. Especially when it got replaced by a display of stunned and shocked emotions immediately after, when Mark made up his mind to proceed with what he had started, and picked up Jackson’s hands to tie them up the best he could with the shirt he had taken with him from the chair.

Jackson’s mouth was gaping open so invitingly, like he was about to protest very loudly about this all, but Mark didn’t give him the time or opportunity, shoving the sock into his mouth with one quick move.

“Don’t worry. It’s a clean sock.” He chuckled darkly, almost viciously, very satisfied with Jackson’s bewildered expression. “Now. You will nod or shake your head when I ask you a question. Is that clear?”

After a moment's hesitation, Jackson nodded.

It seemed like Mark had found the way to get through to Jackson, because the younger's eyes were wide and dilated, looking up attentively at Mark as they once more found themselves in a similar situation as on the sofa, lying on (formerly Jackson's, currently Youngjae's) unmade bed with Jackson beneath and Mark on all fours above him. But the situation was different now, Mark's legs between Jackson's and Jackson's hands tied and roughly lifted above his head, not even mentioning the piece of cloth in Jackson's mouth, keeping it open even as the younger moved it to settle in his mouth more comfortably.

What gave Mark more fuel was that Jackson definitely could have just pushed the sock out of his mouth if he didn't want to go along with Mark's scheme, could’ve fought and stopped Mark when the older had moved to tie his hands up. With the bulking up Mark had done it wasn’t that clear anymore which one of them was stronger in brute strength, but Mark definitely couldn’t have done all of this if Jackson had put up a fight. He hadn’t. Jackson wanted this too.

Mark felt his own erection twitch in the loose shorts he was wearing, but he resisted the urge to press down to find out how much Jackson’s body was liking this situation just yet. First, he wanted some answers regarding the things that were going on in Jackson’s head.

“Good. Do you like me? And before you answer,” Mark interrupted as Jackson was already going for a nod, “I mean this as like like, not the typical ‘I love you bro’ thing that you spout every day. I mean it as the whole deal, boyfriend type of interest."

Suddenly it seemed like Jackson lost the ability to move, staring up at Mark in shock, frozen in a half nod but apparently refusing to move his head another millimeter in any direction. Maybe because the answer would be condemning for once, and the usually talkative younger couldn't just use his words to explain it away with the gag still in his mouth.

After waiting several long and painfully anxious moments, it became clear that Jackson was going to stay forever rooted and unmoving in that spot if it was up to him, and Mark let out a groan of frustration. “Don’t avoid this, Jackson. It’s a simple enough question, yes or no answer. If you say no, I’ll back off and leave you alone, and we can pretend this never happened or whatever suits you.”

Mark gave it another couple of moments, but Jackson still wasn’t moving, only his eyes darting all over Mark’s face between blinks, and throat occasionally swallowing the spit around the sock still in his mouth. But alright. Mark had given Jackson the chance to back off, and Jackson hadn’t taken it. So it seemed Mark had to be the one to push more forward still, as Jackson was not willing to make any sort of a move, both literally and metaphorically.

“Okay. Let me make this more simple for you.” Mark gritted between his teeth, annoyance, nervous energy and frustration bubbling in his stomach among with the arousal of how pliantly Jackson was still acting after the little resistance he had put up earlier. He took a risk and moved his legs to align their hips, the sides of his outer thighs brushing against Jackson’s inner, and showed his cards by grinding down. He was testing the waters by jumping in head first, without knowing if there would be a stone right beneath the surface or a blessed, deep pool of water he would find what he wanted in.

Jackson moaned around the piece of cloth in his mouth as their erections grinded together through the layers of clothing, the sound loud and obnoxious and very telling. A deep pool of wonders.

“I want you. All of you, not just to fuck, I want the whole package. And your body obviously wants me. What I’m asking you is whether you’re just interested in my body, or if you want something more.”

Jackson seemed to have relaxed a little, blinking up at Mark with confusion now, and the older realized that he hadn't given Jackson a question he could answer without speaking. “Sorry, bad question. Do you deny that you want me?”

Finally, a reaction, a hesitant shake of head that Mark rewarded with another slow grind of their hips together, Jackson once again loud even with the gag in his mouth. Mark had to remind himself that he needed to have a bit more patience, to squeeze an answer from Jackson to the question he really wanted solved before just stumbling into what was already building up to be a very promising evening. He wanted more than just Jackson’s body. He wanted Jackson to be his and for him to be Jackson’s, and if he could just establish that, they could get into finding the release their healthy, horny, young adult male bodies desperately wanted from them. Mark had a lot of ideas for what they could do, if this went well, but first. Answers.

“So. I’m asking once more, and if you’re not giving me an answer this time I swear to god Jackson I will walk out of this room and lock myself into the bathroom to masturbate, but whichever answer you give I can at least get you off if you want? Just… Please.” Okay, that sounded too much like begging. Mark cleared his throat, eyes slipping over to Jackson’s full lips stretched open around the black piece of clothing before he with trouble raised them back to Jackson’s beautiful dark brown eyes. “Are you interested in having a relationship with me? I’m asking seriously.”

So, maybe Jackson wasn't an idiot after all. Or an ignorant and blind fool. He was way more observant than he was given credit for, often thought to be more a brainless loudmouth instead of someone who had actual brain activity and the smarts to put two and two together. Too bad Jackson was clearly feeling conflicted right now, his actions and words in contradiction with one another, which is why they were in this situation.

Jackson stared up at Mark, his eyes so wide and beautiful it was easy to get lost in just appreciating the shape and colour of them, to keep on staring at the dark lashes framing them and imagining how soft they would feel when touched. Mark was pretty sure he could spend a whole afternoon devoted just to counting those silky looking lashes.

Finally, slowly and hesitantly, Jackson nodded. It wasn't a straight up yes, but it was enough that Jackson at least considered the possibility of Mark as a potential boyfriend now, if not earlier. After all, the reactions of their bodies towards one another couldn't be used to measure anything more than their mutual physical attraction. And well, there was a lot of that in the air right now, if nothing else. It would have to do, for now. Mark didn't want to wait any longer.

Mark smiled sweetly and leaned his weight on his left elbow so he could use his right one to pick the now rather damp sock out of Jackson's mouth, dropping it onto the bed without much care to what happened to it later. He wasn't even sure if the sock was his or Youngjae’s. It was destined for another laundry round anyway.

Jackson grimaced, adjusting his jaw back to its rightful place, remaining wordless and quiet for maybe five more seconds before he was already opening his mouth again to speak.

“You're so m–” He started with a whiny tone, but Mark cut his complaints short.

“If you don't shut up now I'm going to stuff the sock back in.” Mark sighed, rolling his eyes. It was so like Jackson to start protesting the moment he gained back his ability to speak. Luckily for probably both of them the younger man’s mouth snapped back shut like a clam.

“Good boy. Three choices: you take the sock back, keep quiet, or…” Mark’s stomach did a funny flipping thing at the idea, only adding to the pleasant throb the bulging front of his pants was already causing him. “.…or you kiss me.” The last words came out almost like a question. An oddly chaste thing to say after all he had already pulled off but hey, you only live once and he wanted to kiss Jackson at least once in his life, but forcing the kiss wasn't on Mark’s life’s to-do list.

“K-kiss?” Jackson stuttered rather adorably.

“You don't have to. I can just jerk you off if you think that would be too… intimate.” Like it already wasn't plenty intimate to grind their groins together. But like, to each their own.

“No! I mean… Uhh, wait.” Jackson flushed a pretty red, his eyes now flitting between Mark's lips and his eyes. “I mean no, it's not… too… intimate. I can kiss you. I'll kiss you.”

Mark's heart almost stopped at that moment. Was he hearing right? He was, wasn't he? He hadn't damaged his hearing permanently by performing or listening to music too loudly half his life, his brain hadn't hijacked the signal and twisted the words to what he wanted to hear, right?

Jackson was biting his bottom lip awkwardly, looking picture perfect in the warm light with the dark flush on his face and spit glistening where it had gathered around the edges of Jackson’s lips when he had had to keep his lips wide open to accommodate the gag in his mouth.

Mark cleared his throat. “Okay. Close your eyes. It's creepy if you keep staring at me like you want to bolt out of the door any second now.”

“Sorry…” Jackson muttered and closed his eyes quickly. Mark’s heart jumped in his chest insistently, loving the trust Jackson held in him.

Mark wanted to laugh; the whole situation was so incredibly comical somehow.

He didn't go for Jackson's lips like he first had planned; he kind of wanted to prolong the moment just a little longer. Not because he had had some very dirty dreams about Jackson's mouth and the things it might be good for, but his reason for doing other things first was that Jackson looked like he had never heard the word ‘relax’ in his life. The usually sensual and always ready to laugh mouth was tightly shut, only a thin line visible, the plush lips nowhere to be seen. Well, Mark could change that.

He pushed himself up to lean on his both hands again, most of his weight resting against Jackson's lower body. Mark fought down his own moan of pleasure when he began to sway his hips down, deliberately trying to elicit needy sounds from Jackson.

It took maybe three or four rounds of delicious friction between them, before Jackson's lips relaxed and he breathed out a ragged sound that spoke clearly of just how much he was enjoying himself. The moment Jackson opened his mouth, Mark bent down, latching his lips over the now soft and relaxed pair, tasting them for the first time in his life.

It should be declared illegal to kiss your crush when you're dry fucking them into the mattress, because this was better than any jerk off Mark had had in his life.

Mark darted his tongue to taste Jackson from where the younger's lips were slightly parted, feeling heady when he felt Jackson sighing against his lips. The older grew bolder, tilting his head to the side to slot their lips better together and licking his way into the mouth he had dreamt of kissing for years and years. Jackson's lips felt so good against his, their surface a bit dry at first, but as the kiss progressed, Jackson seemed to pick up speed and confidence. The liplock turned wetter, the small moan Jackson made against Mark's lips when Mark rolled his hips down again everything Mark could've asked for.

He pulled back after a moment, stilling his hips up and away from Jackson's and not failing to note that Jackson tried to follow him for the friction, but this was important. Mark needed to take a step back and check that Jackson was still with him, that he was still into this.

"How was that? Was that okay?" He breathed against Jackson's lips, licking over his own and noting how they had grown warm from the exertion, slick from their shared saliva. Jackson looked so beautiful, his tan skin glowing in hues of gold and copper in the red and orange light the sunset was shining into the rooms through the thin off-white curtains that were only there to prevent anyone from seeing into the room. Jackson's eyes opened slowly, lashes fluttering before he looked up at Mark with wonder and arousal mixing in his eyes, something Mark took as a good sign even before Jackson slowly tilted his head to nod, apparently speechless for once. Mark was flattered.

"Okay, good…" Mark begun slowly, his earlier confidence slipping a little as they were entering truly unknown territory now, and he didn't want to ruin this, didn't want to make too many assumptions about what Jackson was up for or not. "So, um, I could suck you off if you wanna?"

This seemed to return the ability to make sound back to Jackson, a garbled noise escaping his lips and more of that beautiful flush appearing on his cheekbones. Testing the waters, Mark shifted the weight of his upper body onto his left elbow and brought his right hand to first grab at the muscular shoulder exposed by the black muscle tank Jackson was wearing, before trailing it down the muscles of the younger man's side all the way to his hips, until he could boldly grab where he knew he would find the bulge in Jackson's jeans. The moan that filled the room and the way Mark could feel Jackson's length twitch beneath his fingers were so rewarding, so addicting.

Jackson still hesitated, the wonderfully full bottom lip now worried between his teeth, and Mark was waiting again, giving Jackson the time to give Mark a reaction, an answer that would tell the older what was okay. The younger looked almost shy, which seemed absurd considering how Mark had expected the answer to be a simple "yes, please" or "no, I'd rather if we'd just use our hands", but when Jackson seemed to finally gather his wits enough to give an answer, Mark understood the hesitation.

"Well, actually, um, I'd like to? Suck you off, I mean, uh, if that's okay." Jackson stumbled on the words as they finally gushed out of his mouth, soft and uncertain like he thought Mark might actually refuse him. Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Mark couldn't stop the almost hysterical laughter that escaped his mouth, but he had to shut up quickly and explain himself when Jackson started looking panicky, like he regretted the words as soon as he had dared to say them out loud.

"Sorry, I just. That's hot, and it caught me off guard. Sure, if you wanna." Mark giggled a little. "Lemme untie your hands."

Mark took his hand off of Jackson's crotch so that he could bring it to where Jackson's hands were still tied above his head, fumbling with the sloppy knot for a moment before it came loose, and the second it did, Jackson's hands were all over him. Warm palms came to hold his shoulders before smoothing down over the back of the big, loose t-shirt Mark was wearing and coming down to his waist, hesitating for a meaningful moment that made Mark blurt, "You can touch, you know, it's nothing you wouldn't have slapped and sorta felt up many times before".

Mark was happy to hear the famous high giggle, and the firm touch on his ass was nice, too. Jackson made sure to grab both of his buttocks equally, kneading the muscles before resolutely stating, "This is different."

It was. Mark hummed as an answer, deciding to steal another kiss from Jackson's lips to just prove how different this situation was from the usual bro butt pat. Not that it was necessary, because comparing the usual bro touches and these ones were like comparing the night to the day. Normally Jackson was quick to give a slap, or lingered close but never too close to be too obvious. Now he was like some kind of curious animal or perhaps a dedicated scholar that had been allowed to study the fine angles of Mark’s body, to probe and touch him through his t-shirt as much as he liked. Jackson’s eyes were wide again, but not with surprise; he was like an amazed kid who had found the key to a chocolate factory.

That could be arranged too, later. Mark might have had too much time to think over all the possible kinks the they might have, and he had to admit the biggest one he had included certain edible elements and ropes. He was definitely looking forward to exploring those, but that was for later, not now.

“Do you want me to lie down?” Mark asked, in the middle of kisses, unable to separate himself from Jackson’s lips for very long; they were too addictive now that he had gained full access to them, the surface too tempting and taste so sweet to his senses.

“Yeah. That’d be good, do that.” Jackson’s eyes were shimmering in the fading light, the red hue highlighting the brown shade to something close to ethereal. A warm colour that invited you to dive into it, drown in the splash of the prism, to lose oneself into the maze that was Jackson. Mark was all too eager to comply.

The older sat up, shifting, changing his position on the narrow bed, and after some nervous giggles from both of them they had managed to reverse their positions. Now Jackson was the one kneeling between Mark’s legs, licking his lips and eyeing the older boy with a look that was definitely pushing on all of the right buttons. The tanktop Jackson wore was one of Mark’s favourite things out of Jackson’s wardrobe, it brought out the younger’s trained arms, his wide chest and his narrow waist all the way down to his hips. Jackson liked to wear loose, baggy clothing that hid his frame far too much. It was a crime against art, really, with the way Jackson’s body was sculpted at all the right places.

Mark bit down on his bottom lip, releasing the flesh slowly, his eyes never leaving Jackson’s body, only following its lines back up again to look the younger in the eyes. He was so damn horny right now it would be a miracle if he would last more than a few minutes, but of course, that depended on how good Jackson was.

Jackson, with barely hidden lust in his dark gaze, placed his hands over Mark’s stomach and began to roll the shirt up. He leaned down, facing Mark’s abdomen, just breathing in and out slowly, not moving much.

“What are you doing…” Mark muttered, licking his lips that were drying up fast, now that Jackson wasn’t there to keep them moist and glistening with saliva.

“Mark, shush. I’m concentrating.” The serious tone almost made Mark let out a high giggle in a sudden wave of embarrassment. What was so interesting about his bare skin anyway? Jackson had definitely seen Mark without his shirt on more than enough, so… Why? Was it because Jackson liked looking at him naked? Was he taking his time to admire Mark now? What was Mark supposed to think about this?

He said nothing despite the handful of questions swimming around in his head, just closing his eyes instead and focusing his senses on the way he could feel the damp breath traveling higher from his navel along with the shirt that was rolled up bit by bit, the occasional brush of warm lips against his skin making Mark shiver, goosebumps up to decorate his arms.

Jackson pushed the shirt as high as he could until he needed Mark’s assistance with it. Mark obliged gladly, and the piece of clothing was soon discarded carelessly on the floor.

“You too. I want to see you.” Mark peered from under his lids at Jackson, his breath hitching a little and his heart thundering at the thought.

“Why?” Jackson shot quickly back, his brows high. What a question!

“ Why? ” Mark snorted softly. “Because you’re right; this is different. I’ve seen you shirtless countless of times, but it’s the first time for me to see you naked when I can touch you…” He was almost breathless just from thinking that. He could touch and his hands wouldn’t be swat away, nor would there be anyone there to look at him funnily if his hands lingered longer than was considered polite with just friends. It was bliss to have the freedom to place his hands over Jackson’s golden skin and trail his fingers slowly down to the younger man’s chest, leaving them there to just feel the muscles expanding under his palms when Jackson breathed.

Mark’s cock actually twitched at that simple action, and he stifled a longing groan by tucking his lip back between his teeth. Even if he didn’t know what Jackson wanted from this situation, he knew that he wanted to take his time to enjoy whatever he could get. And so he did.

While Mark had taken his time to fan his fingers over the planes of Jackson’s chest and observe how Jackson’s dusty nipples reacted to gentle touches, Jackson had trailed his fingers down the lines of Mark’s abs all the way down to the rubber waistband of the basketball shorts he was wearing. From their years of friendship and rooming together Jackson should know perfectly well that Mark barely ever wore anything under the loose basketball shorts he liked to wear before bed. That piece of clothing would be the final layer separating Jackson from what they both knew was a full-fledged boner and a lot of things that could not be taken back, their relationship changed forever if they went through with this, if it already hadn’t. Jackson sat back on his legs, fingers hooked below the waistband as he looked up at Mark’s eyes, clearly waiting for a confirmation that this was okay, because it was obvious that afterwards, there was definitely no going back to how they were.

Mark nodded, accepting whatever consequences willingly. Anything was better than waiting and wondering and never knowing what could have been – Mark had been telling himself for ages that it was better not to risk their friendship for maybe something more, but after years of waiting for the emotions to fade and go away? Mark was ready to take some risks.

Jackson’s hands trembled a little as he helped Mark out of the basketball shorts, taking his sweet time more in a nervous rather than teasing manner to make sure Mark got both of his feet out of the shorts before turning his attention to the, um, obvious.

Mark was afraid that Jackson would make the situation more awkward by hesitating, but the younger was actually quite quick to make Mark let out an inaudible gasp as the younger grabbed his erection firmly in a grasp that was just right; tight enough to feel good, but not too constricting. Mark was very aware of the way Jackson’s eyes kept flicking between the cock in his hand and the older man’s face, checking his reactions, and Mark tried to keep some control over his expressions to not come off as too needy or too easy or… something. Was it silly to want to make a good impression in a situation like this?

However, what Mark could manage to control as long as it was Jackson’s firm grip on his cock, he really, really couldn’t control anymore when Jackson moved himself back and prompted Mark to open his legs enough for Jackson to be able to lie between them, finally slipping the tip of the older boy’s dick between his plush lips.

First of all. Who doesn’t love blowjobs? They are far superior to jerking off yourself or having someone jerk you off; a wet heat around your girth, slurping and licking and sucking and swallowing. But what made this special, what made this so great was that it was Jackson doing it. Not just because Jackson was basically walking sex on legs with his perfect build and sexy manners, but mostly because Mark had been thinking about this, like, a lot. Too much. He had liked Jackson for such a long time and with how much the younger ran his mouth… Mark had dreamed of getting those red lips wrapped around his length, to shut Jackson up other than the noises he had just known Jackson would make in a situation like this, the noises he was making right now, never one to stay completely quiet.

And god, were the sounds Jackson were making fantastic – long slurps as he sucked his mouth down on Mark’s cock, hums as he took it a little deeper and deeper every time, and your basic filthy moans whenever he stopped to take a breather and circle his tongue around the tip, brown eyes flickering up every now and then to check on Mark’s probably flushed mess of a face.

Mark was gripping the sheets next to hips tightly, sparing his last coherent thought on promising to do the laundry immediately afterwards with the excuse of spilling a drink or something on Youngjae’s sheets, because gods knew that angel didn’t deserve this, his group mates fornicating on the sheets he was supposed to be sleeping on. Jackson was making quick work of the man beneath him, sucking dick like he was made for it. Mark wanted to laugh as that thought crossed his mind, but he was pretty sure that if he dared to let go of the lower lip he was biting hard between his sharp teeth, he would moan so loud that his dignity would never be able to recover. And someone might hear. That, too.

He got the chance to catch his breath when Jackson suddenly decided to pop his mouth off of Mark’s cock, the fingers that been holding the base stable now covered in saliva that was quickly cooling in the dry air, and Mark shivered, half because of the sudden cold, and half because of the puppy eyes Jackson was directing up at his way.

“What’s the matter~ You’re so quiet, hyung, are you not enjoying this?” Oh, that asshole. There was a definite teasing lilt to Jackson’s voice, and the sparkle in his eyes told Mark that the younger was definitely not being insecure about his blowjob skills, but rather just teasing Mark and positively driving him insane. Mark really wanted to groan out of exasperation, and also maybe because he found Jackson’s sassy attitude attractive, no matter how irksome it was.

“You’re an asshole. Do you mind? ” Mark snapped back, heat rising to burn his ears and cheeks. Jackson pulled on his pouty face almost immediately and Mark wanted to groan; why the hell did Jackson have to be so goddamn cute too? “I just don’t want the guys to hear us, okay? I…” This time Mark was sure there was a prominent flush on his already rosy cheeks. “…I like it. You’re doing fine. More than fine.” God, Jackson was doing more than brilliant to be quite honest, but Mark couldn’t bring himself to say that out loud just yet.

Jackson was usually very easy to please with compliments, and this was no different from any other time; the happy grin that appeared on his handsome face was enough to wipe off the embarrassed feelings Jackson’s cocky attitude had made surface in Mark. Although it wasn’t like Jackson had really been upset to begin with, far from it, if that grin of his was anything to go by.

“You know, you’re a lot more aggressive than one would’ve thought.” Jackson said, bending back down to face the cock he still held in his grasp, smirking up at Mark and looking excited, like a kid with a delicious lolly in hand, but much, much different. Mark kind of wanted to pounce Jackson and fuck him into the mattress, but… Nah, not now. It was too soon and too many things were still announced to jump straight to the main course.

Mark moved impatiently, licking his lips for the umpteenth time, his cock feeling all lonely and neglected. “Even I have my limits.”

Jackson chuckled as a reply and suddenly the warmth enveloped Mark again, and his eyes closed involuntarily. Holy _shit._ What was so amazing about Jackson’s mouth was the absolute softness, the perfect way he hollowed his cheeks and curled his tongue around the length, and the way he let out raspy, throaty sounds as he sucked Mark in deeper.

Mark’s head was swimming in hazy clouds of pleasure and his stomach was gathering a hot, coiling sensation with each suck and slurp Jackson did, but it all vanished again when he heard the loud popping sound, and cool air on his wet cock made him shiver all over.

“Fuck my mouth.”

Mark’s eyes flew open and he actually lifted his head from the bed enough to gape at Jackson who was, despite his words, blushing quite furiously.

“Are you… sure?” Mark’s voice may or may not have been shaking just a little bit; this demand was beyond anything he had ever imagined that Jackson would ask him to do. Especially so soon. Wow.

Jackson didn’t reply but nodded sharply, only glancing at Mark, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, all soft and red from the blow job and kissing. Mark’s heart did a somersault or two when Jackson, probably reading Mark’s silence as an agreement, went back down and sucked the tip of Mark’s cock between his lips.

There was really no helping it; he couldn’t actually say no to this, not when it fulfilled almost every wet dream Mark had had so far about Jackson, and more. The older reached down and grabbed Jackson’s dark brown hair, fisting the locks hesitantly and marveling at how much nicer they felt to touch now that there were no prying eyes reading too much into it. Mark’s pulse was so loud in his ears it was like booming bass in the background, like there was music playing instead of the dead silence in the room, only broken by the lewd sounds they were making.

This felt like heaven, and Mark seriously thought he could so easily get addicted to this. Jackson was not making his feelings go away, oh fuck no. Mark knew he was just falling more and more, and it was going to be hell if this would end up as some kind of a misunderstanding between them.

But for now he couldn’t care less about that, too preoccupied with thrusting his hips up and Jackson taking him in like a fucking champ.

The position wasn't the most easiest one for Mark be doing most of the moving, but they made it work, Jackson's fingers wrapping around Mark's ankles where his feet were pressed against the mattress so he could more easily lift his hips up. Mark rolled his hips up, trying to stop himself from going too fast or too high, not wanting to make Jackson gag, because that would have been an inconsiderate thing for him to do. The mouth he fucked into was pliant, Jackson opening up to allow Mark to move as he pleased, to use the younger, like they had done this sort of a thing often enough that it was safe to presume neither would do anything stupid to cause the other unnecessary pain. It was a display of trust like so many others Jackson had shown so far, from letting the older tie his hands to the slight gagging and now this, not even making sure that Mark wouldn't go too far, and if Mark didn't feel like he would throw himself off a bridge for Jackson's sake if it came down to that, he maybe would. But instead, when his hips were starting to become too unsteady, the thumping of arousal in his veins too greedy, Mark slowed down to a stop, breathing heavy and fingers still gripping on Jackson's hair, possibly too hard.

"I'm… I can't control anymore, it's, uh, best if you move." Mark stuttered, caring little for appearances anymore as long as he got the message across.

Instead of doing what Mark wanted and continuing from there, Jackson removed his mouth from Mark's cock for the third time now, a cute confused furrow appearing between his eyebrows. "Was I being unclear? You've been very gentlemanly, but there's no need to hold back, I taught myself deep throating in, like, high school. Go wild, if it feels bad I'll slap you."

That was very informative, but right after Jackson was erasing all thought again by licking his lips and tilting his head down a little, sending a sultry gaze up Mark's bare body. "I want your cock to hit the back of my throat, hyung, and swallow around the tip when you come inside, can I?"

Mark swears to all the gods that he had never cared much for the age system in Korea at all, but Jackson could make anything sexy apparently, big eyes blinking up at him, and Mark couldn't help the groan that escaped between his lips when Jackson demonstrated just how far down his throat he could take Mark's dick.

Very, was the correct answer. All the way. Mark now knew that calling Jackson a sex god was 100% not unwarranted, and this was knowing nothing yet of what them fucking would be like. Jackson's blowjobs were sexual paradise enough to forgive even if he would be a total fluke in bed otherwise. Which Mark didn't believe anyway.

After Jackson's reassurances Mark threw dignity and restraint out of the window, fucking up into Jackson's mouth with abandon and loving the way Jackson's lips were hot around his length and throat was so accommodating of his thrusts, and just… the fact that this was Jackson whose mouth he was thrusting into was so mind-blowing to Mark, like he couldn't believe it. He hadn't dared to hope for his day to end like this, but here he was, his years-long crush between his legs giving him the best blowjob of his life.

When Mark came down Jackson's throat like asked, it was to the pleased hum Jackson made when Mark twisted his fingers in the dark brunette's hair just a bit harder as a warning.

Compared to the orgasm Jackson had given him, Mark was sure he was below average. He sloppily jerked Jackson off afterwards, but if Jackson’s talk and the way he had come quite quickly was anything to go off from, the younger had gotten off on having his mouth fucked, which, well. How did a person like Jackson exist anyway? He was more than anyone could ask for.

Jackson had held the older tightly against his chest as he came, surprisingly quiet comparing to every other moment before. The younger only muttered a couple of sentence fragments under his breath that Mark didn’t quite catch, not when he had to focus on the angle of his wrist moving between their bodies even as Jackson cradled his head and held him close.

Despite them discovering all of these new dynamics between the two of them, it still felt too rushed, with too many things unsaid, as they had to move to quickly clean up their mess and get rid of the evidence before Youngjae or someone else would come knocking. The only things that were said afterwards was a question about who was going to book the laundry room (Mark) and if they should order some takeout for dinner (no, because Jaebum had made some food earlier and put the leftovers in the fridge), and Mark couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t enough. He had never been good with words, unsure what to say when it came to sensitive subjects, so he had no idea what to say this time either, not when the next time he saw Jackson after dropping off the laundry downstairs was at their kitchen table with the microwaved leftovers. Jackson offered half of the noodles to Mark and chatted like any other day, Jinyoung joining them a moment later after the Korean male was back from another round of acting auditions, and it just felt so… normal, like Mark hadn’t come down Jackson’s throat barely half an hour earlier. He had though, and the way Jackson’s voice was a bit rougher than usual did not go unnoticed by Jinyoung either, the mother of the group worried that Jackson was getting sick again.

The sheepish grin Jackson threw Mark when Jinyoung got up to make more tea for the brunette “to get rid of that flu before it gets started” got Mark’s heart doing flips, a skill both it and Mark had learned after meeting Jackson Wang and training with him for years.

He had been totally screwed then, and he was totally screwed now.


	2. Chapter 2

Needless to say, but after that one night of bliss, Mark wasn't exactly feeling any better. He was teetering on the edge of insanity still, not sure what the hell had transpired between him and Jackson.

Okay, so Jackson wasn't acting much, if any, different from the usual. He was still loud, giggly and barely could be tolerated in public when he went on full puppy mode. He was a pain in the ass and Mark just loved him all the more. He couldn't help it, not one bit. He should have said about a gazillion things more during their special encounter on Youngjae’s bed (Mark still felt guilty about it and doted on the younger singer more than enough to compensate), but as things had progressed rather fast, he wasn’t sure if they had established anything for real. Beside their mutual attraction and that Jackson liked when his mouth was fucked.

Overall, Mark was grateful that Jackson wasn’t acting differently, at least when they were surrounded by their members or other people outside the safety of their dorm. It was safer that way, to make no one suspicious of them, but when they were left with just the two of them… There was something in the air, a tension that could be read as some kind of instinctive and curious yearning, which, at least to Mark, was better than the awkwardness there could have been. 

The thing was, once they had crossed the line, in more than one way, it was too easy to step over it again in search of more adventures.

It became a dance of sorts for them, one of them cornering the other in a place where no one could catch them doing the most improper things, like that one time when Jackson locked the door to the bathroom behind them, and gave Mark yet another one of his earth-shatteringly brilliant blowjobs, drinking all the evidence down his throat without any complaints, just donning that smirk that revealed his own knowledge of how fucking good he was.

Or, what about that one time Mark took action himself and jerked Jackson off from behind, against the kitchen counter when no one else was around, dry fucking Jackson’s ass through the two layers of tight jeans, only the younger’s opened from the front enough to slip his cock out for the playtime. Jackson had come all over Mark’s hand when Mark, in the heat of the moment, had decided to bite Jackson’s shoulder so hard it had left a bruise for Jackson to nurse for the next week or so.

Jackson was causing Mark withdrawal symptoms he hadn’t known were even possible to have from just sex; if they weren't able to get their hands on each other for more than a few days Mark felt like he was itching all over, like there were ants running over his naked skin everywhere where Jackson wasn’t touching. It was bad.

It was unclear which one of them was more insatiable, Jackson or Mark. But the real problem was, they didn't talk more about what they were doing than a few rough words here and there, the attraction between them more animalistic in nature than prone to turn into something softer, like cuddles and sweet lingering kisses that would churn wonderfully in your stomach and make your head feel light. And outside of those moments, pretty much the only thing they talked about was work, or something inconsequential like what to order for dinner or if this snapback went together with that shirt.

So, Mark was clueless of what Jackson thought of this  _ thing _ of theirs. That was the first problem, the main one. The second problem was how Jackson acted around the other members. It was nothing new that Jackson was pretty much bouncing off the walls and even on people on some occasions, ignoring Mark’s presence without a care, but especially now, with the new development of their relationship, Jackson acting like Mark wasn’t even there for most of the time left the older feeling like someone had punched him in the gut.

And that was exactly how he felt right now, watching Jackson trying to wrestle a book away from Jinyoung, the two of them rolling on the living room sofa until they finally flopped down onto the floor, giggling and laughing like two schoolboys. Even on a good day when Jackson behaved like this, it irked Mark. But now jealousy and annoyance ate Mark’s insides, and he didn’t even realize he was almost hurting the poor pup in his lap until Youngjae came to Coco’s rescue.

“Hyung, you’re pulling her ears too hard!” Youngjae smacked at Mark’s hands and Mark jolted, releasing the quietly whining dog from his clutches. “What’s wrong with you? You look like someone ate your last cookie. Whatever it is, don’t take it out on the princess.” Youngjae crooned softly at the dog, lifting her gently from Mark and settling her down on his own lap.

Mark's cookie eater glanced up from the floor, the overjoyed smile faltering a little when met with Mark's annoyed gaze, Jackson’s tormenting of Jinyoung ceasing finally enough for the black haired man to escape to safety.

“Jackson. Come with me.” Mark barked, standing up and glaring down at Jackson who was still sprawled on the floor, panting slightly from the wrestling match.

“Why?” Jackson's brows furrowed as he pursed his lips.

“ _ Now,  _ Jackson _.”  _ Mark snapped, storming past the lot of them and hurrying into his and Youngjae's room. He heard Jackson's muttered apologies to the rest of the guys before he followed Mark, but at least he did. At least Mark still held some sway over him.

The moment Jackson was inside Mark slammed the door shut, his annoyance flowing over, making him reckless in a way that was dangerous. This could be the end of everything if he wouldn't control himself somehow, but what was control when he was burning with jealousy and uncertainty, and Jackson's wide eyed expression of innocence was only adding fuel to the fire.

“Mark?” 

Mark said nothing in return. He wasn't right in the head, that had to be the reason, because if he had been sane he would have been able to simply ask Jackson what the hell was going on between them, did Jackson even  _ like _ him. But words were difficult, words were easier to be rejected, and Mark preferred actions over words on any day, which. Probably wasn’t right for this situation.

Mark cornered Jackson against the wall and slammed his both hands against the hard surface so hard his palms tingled painfully. He wanted to say how badly Jackson drove him mad with the way he was acting, wanted to confess how messed up and confused he felt because all he could think of was how he wanted to hold and cradle Jackson in his arms when they would fall asleep, wanted to kiss him good morning and, for fuck’s sake, wanted to go out with him as  _ boyfriends, _ and not as just friends and groupmates. 

He growled, once again unable to convey any part of the mess inside his head, instead attacking Jackson's mouth fiercely, prying the plush lips open and delving deep, like he was intending to choke Jackson with the kiss.

Jackson, being an impulsive and easily sparked young man, didn't waste time on grasping Mark's hips tight, pulling their bodies flush against each other, returning the kiss.

“What…” Jackson mumbled in the middle of the nips and tugs of their lips. “-- got you --” Mark bit down on Jackson's bottom lip hard, eliciting a deliciously low groan from Jackson. “…so wound up?”

“You.” Mark didn't even bother trying to elaborate this; it could be interpreted as anything, both in good and bad way, but what the fuck did he care now about that? He was needy for Jackson, wanted to feel him more because he couldn't handle his jealousy, couldn't figure out why they were stuck in this limbo of just making out whenever they had the chance, and never talking it out.

Maybe it was because he wanted things to be like this, unsolved; afraid that Jackson didn't want him in the way he wanted Jackson. Maybe he was afraid that if he asked, he wouldn't in the end get the answer he had been craving for for years now. Maybe he could live off of this physical connection and make himself believe it was enough.

Jackson didn't protest when Mark sank on his knees, pulling Jackson's sweatpants down with him. Mark eyed the still mostly flaccid dick in front of his eyes, but didn't wait much, didn't waste time on being nice and sweet. He grabbed the length with one hand, leaning in and sucked the soft flesh between his lips. Jackson's hands were on his head in an instant, fingers curling around Mark's short locks, tugging on the strands surprisingly gently.

The cock on his tongue swelled up slowly, with each suck and slurp it came bigger and harder and Jackson's breathing came equally more heavier, more laboured, his hold of Mark's hair tightening until it was almost painful. Mark's head was spinning and dark from the lack of air, his jaw burning and there was drool sliding down from the corners of his open mouth, and he was so damn hard himself he wanted to grab his dick and jerk off fast and hard. But he didn't.

Mark only stopped when Jackson’s hips started shaking in his grip, the approach of his orgasm obvious from both that and the low whines that were leaving the younger’s lips every other moment. Fingers wrapped tightly around the base of Jackson's dick, Mark knew exactly what he was doing as he drew back just before Jackson could come, leaving him on the edge but giving him no leverage to push himself off. Mark watched from down on his knees as Jackson cursed as he doubled over, fingers still so tight in Mark’s hair that the older felt a tingle, and he felt rather satisfied when those almond-shaped eyes opened again and sent him a helpless glare.

“Fuck, why did you stop?” Jackson's voice was breathy and whiny which felt just right with the jealous and frustrated sting Mark was feeling. He was looking for a fight and it was not the most mature thing to do, Mark could admit that in the back of his head, and yet still continue on this crooked path that maybe didn't lead him anywhere closer to where he wanted to be.

Mark licked over his lips, slick with spit and warm from the exhaustion. “This is payback, you tease.”

“W-What?” Jackson's whole body shuddered in Mark’s grip, the waning orgasm leaving him wrecked. Mark rather liked the slight sting of pain as Jackson's hands had jerked with the rest of his body and pulled on the older boy’s hair. He moaned for good measure, and was rewarded with another tug and a breathless gasp as Jackson's mouth fell open.

For a moment Mark played with the thought of just walking out of the room and dorm like that, leaving Jackson panting and hard against the wall where he would probably seek relief by his own hand a moment later. But no, that wasn't enough, although it was a hot and satisfying picture in some probably sick sense. Mark wanted more, more of Jackson's taste in his mouth and his tremble against Mark’s body, more of those noises the younger started making when he was spiraling out of control.

They shouldn't do this here. Technically anyone could walk in at any moment, but the unspoken rule was that if two people were fighting in a room, they were left alone lest there was a tender moment or tears or just something really personal they were fighting about, so Mark was just going to trust that and Youngjae's habit to stay up late into the night in the living room playing games. He just didn't want to wait, didn't want to try and go find some place with a lock where they wouldn’t be disturbed and have Jackson on the bed of some cheap motel nearby. Unless Jackson had actual protests, they were going to do this here and now.

“Stay there, and don't you  _ dare _ to touch yourself.” Mark commanded in a low tone as he got up from the kneeling position. His knees had already started to hurt a little but he managed not to wobble as he walked to fetch the tube of lube, very satisfied to note that Jackson was obediently holding his hands in fists by his sides where they had fallen after he had let off the grip on Mark’s hair. Mark's scalp still tingled. He had definitely found a new kink he liked.

Mark crowded close to Jackson, brushing the front of his jeans against Jackson's bare cock which probably was too much, considering the rough material and the hypersensitive skin, but Jackson didn't complain more than a hiss before he was looking at Mark’s face with wide eyes again. Mark was on a dangerous high of arousal and the self-destructive need to lash out, to hurt and be hurt, to work out his jealousy and want with rough sex as he claimed Jackson's body for his own, even if he could not have him fully otherwise.

“I'm going to fuck you against the wall now so hard you won't remember anything else other than my name,” Mark promised darkly, “any protests or limits? If you want me to stop or be more gentle just say at any point, but otherwise I'm just gonna go ahead.”

Jackson’s eyes widened just a little bit more, the information and promises sinking in, his cheeks heating up a grade or two more, the red colour rising steadily up his neck until it reached his hairline. He was so cute and handsome at the same time, all confused and still willing to jump into things head first. Just, you know, to name a few things Mark was so infatuated with in Jackson.

Jackson shook his head sharply, biting down on his bottom lip, but never shifting his gaze from Mark’s, eyes clouded with pleasure and almost shining with anticipation. The amount of dark lashes framing the beautiful round shape was amazing and Mark could have stared at them forever.

“Don’t care. Do it.” Jackson’s tone was defiant, albeit a little shaky, and it made Mark smile like a predator, his teeth flashing and his guts churning at the prospect of things that were to come soon after this. It was easy to forget they weren’t supposed to run into things, so easy to just brush aside everything else, except the desire. That reckless and careless emotion that would probably wreck them both if they weren’t paying attention.

The nervous twitch of Jackson’s hands, the way his chest rose and fell rapidly, how his pupils were dilated with greed and lust, dark as two black holes, it was all just making Jackson look exactly so fucked and messed up that Mark was seeing red with desire. Why was Jackson making him feel so damn possessive and angry, and yet at the same time, he just wanted to cherish their moments together? It was an enigma, a problem that really should have been inspected more closely, but here he was, biting down on Jackson’s neck, pulling the collar down to reach for more unblemished skin to mess up, sucking hard until there were lovebites all over the tanned skin, tainting the smooth beauty. Jackson would get a yelling from the makeup crew for this, but what did that matter now, when things were so desperate and beyond anyone’s control.

Mark straightened up, gazing at Jackson with undisguised lust and leaning in to capture his mouth in a surprisingly tender kiss, prying the plush lips open almost sweetly. He licked his way inside, causing Jackson to hold on tightly on Mark’s shirt and gasp softly. Maybe it was his way of saying he was kind of sorry, for not being able to act like an adult he was supposed to be, and reacting in such a strong and childish way to these things. Or maybe he just wanted to claim Jackson as his own, to put an imaginary leash on him and make sure everyone approaching the younger knew that he was not available.

It was too much possessiveness, perhaps, but it was only for now, and because his head was dangerously empty of coherent thoughts. Maybe later, one glorious day, Mark could apologize his rash actions and muted mouth, say something endearing to Jackson to make the younger’s knees wobble and buckle under him. Just, to say something that wasn’t rude or dirty, or in any way sexual. But not now, oh no.

“I’m going to wreck you.” Mark sucked on Jackson tongue, grazing his teeth over the wet flesh, biting down enough to cause Jackson to whine. He kissed Jackson like there was no tomorrow, like there weren’t other guys in the apartment, ready to bust them in the act, like there wasn’t anyone else in this world but just the two of them, holding each other in carnal desire.

Mark released Jackson, although he didn’t want to, not really. Kissing Jackson was like a drug injected straight into his veins, the syringe full of emotions that had made a nest inside Mark’s heart; love, affection, longing, desperate need for soft words and careful caresses. On some level Mark knew he was probably never going to have anything like that, not when Jackson was acting the way he was, all inconsiderate about  _ feelings _ . It hurt, to acknowledge that. It hurt so badly and it made him angry, more daring and frantic as he wanted to feel something else except that gaping empty spot inside him, that only Jackson could fill up, but only by returning Mark’s feelings.

Mark whipped Jackson around, the younger knocking his head against the wall with a soft thud and yelp of surprise, and pried Jackson’s legs open with his own, pressing his jean clad groin against the taut buttocks. Jackson propped his hands for support against the wall, his head turned to the side and his cheek against the cool, hard surface, eyes closed and mouth slightly agape, looking absolutely ravishing with his ass sticking out. Mark leaned over and rolled Jackson’s shirt up to reveal his back, enjoying of the sight of Jackson’s muscles and raking his fingernails down the skin so hard it left red marks behind.

Jackson shivered, arching his back at the stinging pain, but didn’t protest at all.

The cap of the tube in Mark’s hand popped open and the lukewarm milky liquid spread over his fingers, the colour turning clear when it came in contact with body heat. Before he continued, however, Mark smiled viciously, tilting his head a little to the side, as if pondering something. He pushed his hips hard against Jackson’s ass, remaining there and swaying a little from side to side to create pressure, to make sure Jackson knew what was coming.

“You want this?” Mark leaned over Jackson’s back, reaching to bite the shell of Jackson’s ear, his tone low and silky, dangerous even. He would use his slicked up fingers soon enough, there was no doubt about that, but he would rather hear Jackson saying how much he wanted it, how badly he needed Mark to fuck him open. 

Part of the fun, of course, would be to get his kicks out of hearing Jackson so meek and obedient, something the younger wasn’t in front of others, always acting up and waiting for someone to set him straight. It was breathtaking to see Jackson so accommodating, pliant almost, and it made Mark bite down on the side of his own lip and his cock to twitch against his straining pants.

Mark backed away enough to slip his lube smeared fingers between Jackson’s buttocks, fleetingly brushing over the puckered tight ring. He repeated the brushing touch, this time circling Jackson’s asshole enough to add just a little bit of pressure on it, but not even trying to push in yet. 

Jackson gasped audibly, still not answering Mark’s question, so the older just kept circling his fingers around, not relenting with his teasing. He rather enjoyed the sight in front of him, his other hand holding one of Jackson’s buttocks firmly so he could see where his fingers were, Jackson’s body so reactive under his touch.

Mark didn't have to wait long before Jackson broke. The younger wasn't that patient to begin with, and Mark bet the full-on arousal didn't help with that. After just a couple of moments of teasing, Jackson was already impatiently pressing his hips back against Mark’s fingers, trying to make the older get on with it, but Mark was having none of that. When that didn't work, Jackson finally opened his mouth, always choosing the most inconvenient times to stay silent, determined apparently to not make it easy for Mark.

“Hyuuuung, come on,” he finally whined.

“What?” Mark asked with feigned innocence, trailing his finger over the puckered hole once more and rather enjoying gasp and shudder Jackson gave.

Jackson cursed nastily under his breath. “S-Stop teasing already.”

Mark let out a laugh, getting rather giddy with the power and teasing, enjoying Jackson's torment. “You still haven't told me what you want, now.”

Jackson keened when Mark for just a moment slipped the tip of his forefinger inside, before taking it out again. “Oh my god Mark just  _ please _ put those long pretty fingers into use and inside me, I need it.”

“Is that so.” Mark was more than happy to oblige, one finger slipping inside rather easily,  _ too _ easily. He raised an eyebrow, adding another finger already as there was little resistance.

The signs were rather telling, and it made Mark hot just to think it. “Someone has been fingering themselves lately, haven't they. How many fingers? Or did you use something else?”

The fingers were clearly helping in loosening up Jackson’s tongue. Mark scissored them idly, watching them move in and out of Jackson’s hole smoothly as they stretched him more open. Jackson’s voice was a delicious mix of low raspiness and the occasional gasp and sound when Mark did something that felt good. “Nngh… I have a, uh… A, um, plug that uh, I sometimes like to wear when we’re out. It, um, it grounds me. It’s heavy, metal. Not very big.”

Gods. A butt plug. Jackson was going to be the death of him. The boy had a butt plug he wore sometimes when they were working? That would now be all Mark would be able to think about whenever he would see Jackson shift where he was sitting or act in any way out of the ordinary. He was going to be ruined forever because of this, now.

“Really… How does that make you feel? You like carrying a dirty secret around in broad daylight?” Mark moved his eyes up to look at Jackson’s face and noticed the man was looking at him now, lips hanging open as he panted.

Jackson hummed in an answer, slipping his bottom lip between his teeth again as he measured Mark, like he was calculating if the older would be up to whatever challenge he had in mind, if Mark could take whatever he had to say.

“I like to feel full,” he finally said, and yeah, that definitely sent a surge of want down into Mark’s crotch. How was it even possible to want Jackson more at this point?

“You want me to fill you? Is that it?” Mark panted, pressing his fingers deep and giving in to himself for a moment, stepping closer to press against Jackson and grind the impatient arousal in his jeans against the naked skin of Jackson’s hip.

“Gods, yes. Please, hyung. I want it. Please.” Jackson blabbered, and Mark moved back to quickly add a third finger to the stretch. He didn’t know how long his patience would last anymore, but although he wanted to go rough, he didn’t want to hurt Jackson badly with too little preparation. His other hand trying to get his own belt open, Mark tried to move faster, to get them both what they wanted.

“Ah, fuck. You really want it that bad. Will you be good for me, Jackson? Stretch all wide open and take me in completely?” Mark asked when he was finally able to open his pants and shove them down with one hand, three fingers working Jackson open and his head trying to calculate if that would be enough for Jackson to still feel the stretch, but not to be too uncomfortable.

Jackson was pushing himself back on the fingers now, and one look back up to Jackson’s face revealed that his eyes were tightly closed again as he worked himself on the fingers, clerly as eager to get on with this as Mark was. “Yes, yes yes yes yes. Please, hyung, I’m ready, come on.”

Mark cursed silently, gritting his teeth together, his eyes flickering from Jackson’s face to his own hand, watching with fascination how his fingers were moving in and out of Jackson, stretching him steadily open. He could feel how Jackson was trying to suck him in deeper, tried to push back so that Mark would be buried in knuckle deep.

“You’re insatiable, aren’t you? All needy and begging for it. Do you like begging, Jackson? Do you like getting on your knees and letting me use that mouth of yours as I please?” Mark was pretty sure he wouldn’t under a normal situation talk such things, but Jackson kind of made him feel like he was filming a porn movie here, taking his inhibitions away. “Do you like the idea of me fucking you so soon?”

“Yes.. oh gods, do it. I want you. Anything.. Anything.. Mark can you just.. Oh ff-” Jackson gasped when Mark made a sudden hard thrust with his hand, reaching further inside than he had so far gone. He could see how Jackson’s eyelids were fluttering even where they were closed, his bottom lip secure between his teeth as a low, pleased moan echoed up from his throat. One could almost see how Jackson was cursing silently.

“Such a good boy.” Mark muttered, removing his hand from inside Jackson’s ass, reaching for the lube again. Pop, squirt and a shiver, and Mark was slicking up his exposed cock, trying his best not stimulate himself too much, which was a task on its own, considering how long he already had been watching Jackson and getting turned on by him simply being so desirable. Mark was painfully hard by now and he knew if he’d go and slam his dick inside Jackson with one thrust he would finish right then and there. The friction would be too much, no matter how much he would stretch Jackson, he would still be damn tight. Mark was pretty sure Jackson hadn’t had anal sex before, but then again, the guy liked to have a plug shoved up his ass during a normal day. So, who really knew.

Mark took a good hold of Jackson’s hips with both his hands and allowed himself the pleasure of simply sliding his length up and down Jackson’s crack, the sound and sight absolutely lewd. Jackson was moaning silently, his hips jerking backwards but Mark held him steadily still.

“Stop it. You won't get anywhere if you squirm like that.” Mark smirked at the disapproving groan Jackson let out. A sudden thought made him almost giggle out loud.  _ Why not? _

A loud smacking sound echoed in the room. “If you're not going to stay still I'm going to hit harder. “ What Mark didn't expect was the they Jackson's legs almost gave under him, not to mention the muffled whine of pleasure escaping Jackson's lips. “You  _ like _ that?”

“Come on Mark..  _ please _ .” 

“You drive me crazy..” Mark whispered, his lips dry and his mouth like sandpaper. Jackson was too much for him, never saying no to anything, at every turn surprising Mark more and more with these little bits of information he dropped.

He was surely going to lose his mind because of this idiot, and he didn't even find it in him to feel bad about it. Every moment spend with Jackson was worth more than all the gold in the world.

Mark took a hold of the base of his cock with one hand and leaned back just enough to see what he was doing; the tip was resting over Jackson's hole now, and the warm sensation alone was making Mark see happy little lights before his wide open eyes. He began to push in, the tight ring enclosing his cock agonizingly slowly, and Jackson.. oh Jackson. He was nearly mewling at this point, his fists against the wall so tightly balled his knuckles were white. He looked like something you only see in dreams. Very wet dreams.

But much to Jackson’s dismay, Mark had a bit different idea of the speed of things. 

Jackson let out a breathy, keening sound when Mark  _ didn't  _ thrust in more than maybe an inch before pulling out again. He repeated the action slowly, trying deliberately to drive Jackson mad with the teasing pace. He was doing this to keep himself sane and because he really wanted to make Jackson a writhing mess.

“Not enough, is it, Jacks?” Mark leaned over the arched back, his free hand raking softly over the lines he already had drawn on the golden skin with his nails, breathing warm air over Jackson's shoulder, all the while his hips rolled forward that one infuriating inch that made Jackson nearly cry from impatience. What a lovely sight, what lovely sounds. Mark was in blissful heaven, his own pleasure rising and falling like waves, hot and burning. “I want to ravish this sweet ass of yours. Ravish it so hard you can't walk tomorrow.”

“Sh– oh gods… Mark, fuck me.” Jackson stuttered, his breathing heavy and laboured, glancing under heavy lids at Mark. “And…” The gasp was almost inaudible, but Mark heard it by some sheer luck. “If… If I'm driving you crazy… You’re worse. You're the one making me all addicted to you…”

Mark halted, his lips still over the warm skin of Jackson's shoulder, mouth half open in surprise. The younger had turned his head away the moment the words fell from his lips. Had he meant to say them? Whatever it was, it poked the hot coals inside Mark and he had to fight down the longing moan. He wanted to kiss Jackson right now so bad it was taking over the urge to fuck him.

The position was a bit awkward, and Mark had to guide Jackson to turn his face to the side with one hand, but when he got his lips onto Jackson's, it was nothing but perfect. It was a fairly chaste kiss considering the situation, with closed lips and a firm press of mouths. Mark’s chest ached at the gentleness of it. It was almost fond, the way Jackson's eyes fluttered shut and he tilted his face into the kiss before they parted, breathing between them.

There were words stuck in Mark’s throat that wanted to get out, but he didn’t dare to let them, afraid that they would be too soon, coming on too strong, and that they would scare Jackson away.

Unable to get any other words out either, Mark cleared his throat awkwardly before lining himself up with Jackson's hole again, drawing a shaky breath before pushing himself in again, Jackson’s warmth enveloping him inch by inch as he finally pressed further than just the first inch. Jackson was cursing again, pushing back and this time Mark allowed it, gasping when he finally bottomed out, hips pressed flush against the younger man’s muscular rear, holding still as he gathered his wits. It was almost unbelievable that they were here now; Jackson resting his upper body against the wall, hands curled into fists, back curved just a little to meet Mark where the older had a firm hold on his hips. They were silent for a moment except for their uneven breaths, until Jackson made an impatient sound.

“ _ Please _ move.”

Mark was too overwhelmed with  _ emotions _ and want to deny Jackson any longer, drawing a shaky breath as he slowly pulled out until only the tip remained inside Jackson, before slowly pushing deeper again, keeping the pace slow and even for now as he tested his own tolerance, not wanting to come embarrassingly quick. Jackson was panting hard, Mark’s girth obviously still a stretch, but he wasn’t complaining. After a couple of slow back-and-forths, Mark could feel Jackson’s hips starting to move under his fingers, meeting Mark’s thrusts lightly at first, before the younger seemed to relax a little as he got more accustomed to the stretch, and the movement of his hips back against Mark’s started getting more frantic, clearly seeking to increase the pace.

Instead of immediately complying, Mark leaned his forehead against Jackson’s upper back, just below his neck, marveling at the body moving against him. His head was blissfully empty from troubling thoughts, all brain power used to focus on the sensations, the heat of their bodies, the slick and wet slide, Jackson’s musky scent of sweat and the hitches in the younger’s breaths as Mark tilted his hips up in different angles as he tried to map out where he would find the spot that would bring Jackson the most pleasure.

It took Mark a little adjusting before he found that special little place, but it was worth the search; Jackson let out such a groan, clenching from within so much Mark was seeing stars. He squeezed Jackson’s hips harder, his nails digging into the skin probably too harshly, but couldn’t be bothered to care about such little details now, because the way Jackson was tightening around him was causing  _ Mark _ some trouble keeping his orgasm at bay.

Mark shut his eyes for a moment, just to gather his thoughts back together, his hips moving in slow but sharp jerks, making Jackson huff out gasps with each thrust. Mark didn’t usually feel that silences were bad, but he had to get some words out, words that weren’t the ones clawing at his chest, those dangerous ones that were sure to tip the balance of this careful arrangement they had managed to find after Mark had already disturbed the peace by losing his patience and pushing them over the line of friendship.

Besides, Jackson wouldn’t have probably even believed him, had Mark coughed up a confession or more right now.  _ Those _ words, that damn confession making him feel like he was doing something wrong by agreeing to just have a casual friends-with-benefits-relationship with Jackson instead of facing the possibility to be rejected, those things required a situation where they weren’t consumed by lust and need for relieving the tension between them. 

So, dirty talk it was. Instead of any sort of emotional talk. Because that hadn’t gone so well the first time either, and Mark wasn’t keen on being rejected in the middle of insanely hot sex.

“Feels so damn good.. Fuck, Jacks.” Mark whispered through dry lips, opening his eyes to watch how Jackson’s back was moving with his shallow breathing, the movement of his muscles rippling under his skin mesmerizing.

“Hha… Oh fu” Jackson’s voice was raspy and low, the tone painted with pleasure and small hiccups– “Yes, praise me, Mark… Shit, tell me how good it feels to fuck me, please.”

Mark almost stopped moving, his brains catching up with this latest bit of Jackson had revealed to him.  _ Seriously?  _ Jackson just kept on catching Mark off guard, and Mark wondered silently just how much more there was still hiding under the golden, beautiful package that Jackson was. 

Although, this turn of events wasn’t too surprising. Jackson was always keen to hear compliments and praises about himself, though he had a habit of dismissing them right after. Mark knew Jackson liked to hear good things about himself but that it extended into sexual pleasure?  _ That part _ was new.

Spurred on by this new knowledge and wanting to experiment just how much the praise would affect Jackson, Mark lifted his head enough to be able to lightly nip at Jackson’s neck before moving his lips close to the younger’s ear, speaking in a low and quiet voice, almost a murmur. “You want some praise? You want to know what it is like to fuck you? Tell me, Jackson, do you fantasize about people telling you how good you are, when you jerk off?” 

He didn’t leave Jackson time to respond. Mark slid his right hand down Jackson’s thigh slowly, marveling at the huge muscle under his palm. “Your legs are so sublime…” Mark’s fingers reached Jackson’s kneecap and by forcing Jackson to bend it more and lift it up, placing his hand under to support Jackson weight more, the new angle allowed him to adjust his hips and aim even deeper inside. 

Jackson turned his body a little to adjust to the new position, his eyes tightly shut, lips parted and cheeks painted with deep flush. He looked so beautiful it was surreal.

“More… Tell me more.  _ Oh gods… _ ” Jackson pleaded quietly, licking his lips quickly. Mark felt his stomach churning when he saw Jackson so undone the younger seemed to have no inhibitions left. If Jackson would get his kicks out of being praised a little, who was Mark to say no?

“You’re so tight and hot inside, it feels so fucking good to thrust in.” Mark started off shakily, but continued with determination. “I love hearing you gasp and moan when I hit your sweet spot. You’re so gorgeous Jackson, so gorgeous, and I love filling you up, because you sound, look, and feel, ah, absolutely exquisite.” Mark was having trouble keeping his thoughts even relatively sane at this point. He knew he was blabbering, but it was what Jackson wanted, reacting to the praise so deliciously that Mark had no power to deny him. “You squeeze around me like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s like you’re sucking me in on your own, so hungry for it.”

Mark couldn’t help it anymore, his pace quickening and turning harder, more uncontrolled and erratic, as his head emptied from everything else except from the burning sensation he felt in his stomach, gathering down to his groin. Jackson’s back was arching, his lower back where his shirt had been rolled out of the way glistening with sweat and Mark had to hold firmly onto him so that their slightly difficult position would hold, so that he could keep up the rough pace he had taken, seeking both their releases now, not wanting to prolong this any longer.

“Jackson?” Mark asked between pants, waiting for a grunt of affirmation from the younger to signal him that the slightly shorter man was still recognizing his own name. “Do you want me to touch you or can you come without touching, from just this? Or with more of me telling how much I'm loving fucking into you?”

This was an important question. Mark wanted for Jackson to come and he was quite sure that after this exertion, if he were to come first, he wasn't sure if he would have the energy to get Jackson off too, and that would just be rude.

When Jackson didn't immediately answer, Mark took his left hand off of the other’s hip for just a moment before landing a moderate slap on the side of the younger’s ass, managing to do so with only a slight stutter to the rhythm he had. This definitely got Jackson’s attention, and the more muscular man was first moaning then gasping, pushing back against Mark’s thrust, and  _ gods _ it was heavenly. “Jackson, answer. I want you to come.”

“Just… continue,” Jackson finally managed to utter, and Mark took a steadying breath, not sure if he was up to this challenge, if he could hold his own orgasm at bay for long enough.

And he stopped moving for just a second so he could deal another slap onto Jackson’s perfect behind.

He could see how Jackson's arms were shaking where he was holding himself up against the wall, could feel Jackson's insides quiver and the tremble in his leg where Mark was still holding it bent for the deeper angle. The younger must be close, so Mark decided to keep the brutal pace and just hope that his words and the pleasure of the penetration and the occasional jab to his prostate would be enough to tip Jackson over the edge.

Mark leaned his forehead against Jackson's shoulder, the fabric of the shirt covering it already damp and only worse with the sweat Mark felt running down his hairline. He was panting hard, his thoughts all over the place, his own hips stuttering with the oncoming orgasm, but he just had to gather his thoughts to please Jackson more, to get some more words out although he didn't know if he would make any sense anymore.

“Gods, Jackson, your ass is so perfect…” Mark squeezed one buttock to emphasize his point, and Jackson let out a strangled sound. “I know already this is the only thing I’ll be able to think about whenever I’ll slap your butt in public later… How good you look and sound when I fuck you against the wall, what the slap off your ass against my crotch feels like when I’m buried deep in you…” Jackson murmured something that sounded both like a curse and a prayer, and Mark continued moving, feeling the final strings of control slip from between his fingers. “Fuck, I don’t know if I can do it anymore or if I’ll just get hard, thinking about how your back, ah, arches to meet my body and how easily you take me in, fuck, Jackson I’m gonna come.”

The warning was unnecessary, because in the midst of it Jackson’s hips stuttered forward and he let out a long groan, insides pulsing around Mark’s length, and the older cursed before coming himself, panting against Jackson’s back.

The orgasm sucked out the remaining strength they had left at this point and Mark managed just barely to slip out from inside Jackson, before they both collapsed on the floor in a heap of trembling limbs. Jackson was huffing and puffing like he had run a marathon and Mark was in no better condition himself, wheezing air back inside his lungs, body shivering and spent.

Jackson’s back was sturdy and warm, the kind you wanted to lean your head against, and feel all fuzzy inside, for all eternity. The rolled up shirt was damp with sweat and in need of washing, but Mark didn’t care about trivial things, like being sweaty or being half naked and crumbled on the floor, limbs shaking, he was too high on ecstasy to care right now. He nuzzled his face between Jackson’s shoulder blades, closing his eyes and trying to steady his rapidly beating heart.

“Sweet jesus, Mark…” Jackson groaned finally, his voice rough. “You sure know how to please.”

“I’m glad you liked it..” Mark muttered. He couldn’t move a muscle right now and he just wanted to crawl into a corner and stare out into nothingness because, holy fuck, his body was so exhausted. He would have to gain more stamina if their sex life was going to be like this in the future.

Future. Well, there was a thought Mark didn’t particularly want to think about, but it would be necessary to raise the subject again. And hopefully Jackson wouldn’t turn on his heels and walk out of their friendship when the talk would come.

“After that I don’t think I’d be satisfied to be fucked by anyone else.” Jackson chuckled and Mark’s heart clenched. Jackson’s tone was so light and airy that it was easy to realize he was just talking nonsense, not thinking about what he was saying. Mark wasn’t sure which idea hurt him more; that Jackson wasn’t thinking about what he said, or that he did and didn’t care. 

“Eww.” The sudden displeased sound made Mark raise his head and frown.

“What? What’s wrong?” A thousand possibilities flashed immediately in Mark’s head. Had he hurt Jackson? Had he been too rough? Was he bleeding? They hadn’t done anything  _ that _ rough, surely. A trip to the hospital for this would be catastrophic in magnitude, which they definitely couldn't afford.

“I can feel the come slithering out.” Jackson grimaced. The comment definitely froze Mark very efficiently, and he blushed furiously. Jackson could be so blunt sometimes, as well as elusive.

“Sorry…” Embarrassment swept over Mark, engulfing him, though he tried not to let it show at all on his face.

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m cool. Everything is cool, I just wanna shower and clean up the mess.” Jackson shrugged lightly, and Mark wondered how on earth could he be so damn casual even though they had just had sex.  _ Them _ .  _ SEX.  _ Mark and Jackson. Supposedly just best buddies until Mark had decided to share some of his feelings and things had escalated to this point.

Mark was silent for a while, frowning lightly at the fidgeting Jackson was doing, and wondered why they were so damn reckless together. This was definitely a talk they should have had  _ before, _ not after. Mark felt stupid.

“We could use protection, you know. I mean I’m clean, and you’re probably too, I hope?”, Mark gace Jackson a inquiring sharp glance to which Jackson quickly nodded. “Even so, it’s not very wise to have unsafe sex, especially  _ anal _ sex. Also it would prevent  _ that _ from happening.” Okay, he wasn’t one to preach usually, but Mark didn’t want Jackson, or himself, to catch anything that would make their lives incredibly hard, and it was hard enough already with their busy schedules. If either of them caught a STD it would be horrible beyond anything, and the consequences would spread too wide around them, affecting more than the two of them. It would hurt the whole group and that was not an option no matter how horny the two of them were.

Jackson whirled awkwardly around to face Mark, and to Mark’s utter surprise, the younger draped his arms around Mark’s shoulders to pull the older closer.

“But it felt  _ so good _ ”, Jackson grinned that stupefyingly dashing grin of his that always took Mark’s breath away. “I’m totally clean. I’ve been checked, so there’s no worry. And besides”, Jackson gave a shy smile before leaning in and initiated a kiss that wasn’t neither greedy or hungry. It was a kiss given in a spur of a moment, something sweet and kind of cute, and Mark’s heart was about to burst and, “You were my first.”

Mark gulped down the protesting words about using protection; his heart was having trouble keeping up a normal speed and his chest felt tight. He must have looked like someone hit him on the head because Jackson was soon kissing him again with that agonizing slowness that didn’t help at all.

“Mark, why are you so cute!” Jackson crooned against Mark’s lips, his fingers playing with the hair on Mark’s nape. This much cuddliness and cuteness was so uncommon during these encounters that they had had, so unusual that Mark didn’t know what to make of it. Of course he was happy, but at the same time Jackson’s actions and words twisted a knife in Mark's chest harder, as he couldn't really believe that Jackson was really into  _ him. _

He had this fear, this conviction of sorts, that Jackson was with him only because he wanted to release sexual tension. It was something that he was trying to work himself to accept, because it was likely the best that he could get, or at least, what they had right now. A bird in the hand was worth two in the bush, and so forth.

He allowed himself to indulge, just this little. After all, it had been Jackson who had started with the soft kisses and touches, and Mark’s heart was too weak to deny himself this. They smelled like sweat, the smell of sex heavy in the room. Jackson’s sweaty and sticky body felt so good in his arms when he allowed his arms to wrap around Jackson’s middle. They kissed for a while, the gentleness of it leaving Mark aching, until Jackson parted from him and stepped back again.

“Ew, more come, okay, I’m gonna go get that shower. Throw me my clothes?”

Jackson was quick to pull on the clothes he was wearing before, but not without complaints that his boxers were completely stained from both of their come, and he was quick to leave, even before Mark had the time to pull some clothes on. It was only thanks to the mercy of some god that there was no one outside their door when Jackson walked through it, loudly laying claim over the shower to the whole dorm before the door closed again behind him, leaving Mark standing in the room, stupefied.

Something changed after that. More often than not, if they got even a moment alone when no one was looking, Jackson would turn to him, press close and kiss him. Sometimes, even when they had more time, instead of seeking release they would just… Make out, explore each other’s mouths until they were panting with hot breaths over each other’s lips, half hard in their respective pants, but not seeking to take it any further.

Of course, they would still have sex. And oh, how good it was, jerking each other off after a performance, when they were still worked up from the adrenaline, already sweaty and disheveled so no one would wonder when they turned up with their hair in disarray, or coming down Jackson’s mouth just before a recording session, knowing that it was him that had caused the additional rasp to the rapper’s voice as he would spit his verses and the producers would praise him for his attitude.

They were learning each other’s bodies, exploring what they could, neither of them having much experience of being with another guy, but they were quite good at winging it, to be frank. It seemed like they were well tuned to each other, able to gauge each other’s reactions easily and finding just the right ways to drive each other insane during sex. Their relationship calmed down, too, a little. It seemed that the more they could release tension between them through sex, the less there was friction in their daily interactions.

It wasn’t perfectly peaceful, of course. They still weren’t talking about the whole thing, going to each other intuitively and seeking out the comfort of closeness or the release of sex, and those things, although very nice, didn’t do anything to the insecurity Mark felt about the state of their relationship. But the further they went down this road, the more reluctant Mark felt about breaching the subject, because the more he felt like he had to lose. The thing they had with Jackson was  _ nice, _ and although Mark wanted confirmation that this was more of a boyfriend thing than just two guys messing around and exploring their sexuality, already having this much with Jackson felt like a dream. He  _ owned _ Jackson for those moments the younger kneeled in front of him in the shower, and when he fucked him open on his fingers or cock in the practice room after hours, and he didn’t want to give that up, even though it wasn’t all that he wanted.

But he still got jealous, too easily upset, because Jackson wasn’t  _ his, _ and he acted all familiar with other people, cooing over a new hyung he got to know at a music show and cuddling up to Jaebum on and off the stage at a fansign. He still fought with Jackson about the stupidest things when they didn’t have the opportunity to work the frustration out with sex. Their relationship was rocky, on unstable grounds at best, and everyone noticed, of course, it was impossible not to notice.

There were several interventions, mainly initiated by Jaebum or Jinyoung. They always solved whatever petty matter they were fighting about, sure, but as the bigger problem loomed beyond what their friends were able to see, they didn’t solve anything for long. Jinyoung even went so far as to taking Mark out for ice creams alone, trying to get the older to talk about what was going on between him and Jackson, but Mark hardly got a word out. Something about how Jackson was infuriating and didn’t consider him or his feelings, but it was only the tip of the iceberg, not the whole truth. Jinyoung listened, with patience, nodding and taking hold of Mark’s arm emphatically, not forcing him to talk more about a subject he wasn’t able to properly put into words. Jinyoung was a good friend.

Jackson was somehow even worse after Mark’s and Jinyoung’s outing. He rode Mark on the sofa chair in his and Jaebum’s room so hard it left bruises on Mark’s body, but immediately after a quick shower went and full-on climbed into Yugyeom’s lap, whining the maknae for attention and ignoring the youngest’s complaints about his skin still being wet from the shower and god, Jackson, hold onto your towel I don’t want to see your dick, leaving Mark confused and frustrated again.

It wasn’t getting any better, it was only getting worse, but Mark didn’t know what he should do about it without ruining the whole damn thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lock us up in the same room in Tokyo for a couple days, and this is what we get up to: writing more Markson smut. There’s still two weeks left, so let’s see what we get up to…
> 
> Sorry that this chapter took so long. There were major changes in both of our lives and we had to focus our strength on our main fics. But this fic has not been buried and forgotten, and we will keep on working on it whenever we have the chance and inspiration :’) Look forward to more Markson smut and slow burn~


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo we are back! There was a certain smut scene that we wanted to write... So we did. We hope you enjoy!

“Do I  _ have to?” _ Mark groaned, slowly, and unwillingly pushed himself up from the cozy chair he had been slouching in for the last couple of days, just playing games whenever he had nothing else to do. Well, nothing else beside what their manager or Jaebum told him to do.

“Even though you’re my hyung, I’m going to say it; YES YOU DO”, Bambam snorted, his nose wrinkling in a way that would be sort of adorable if he weren’t being rather annoying right now. “It’s been your turn for the past two weeks and the pile is getting upsettingly high and smelly.”

Mark groaned a second time, but complied, shutting off his screen and meandering out of his room to do his forgotten chores, moaning and bitching in his head about how he didn’t want to and how he would just rather sit in the darkness of his room and be alone. Lately, after the group had moved into a bigger dorm, Mark had been spending most of his time playing games and trying to forget he had a life. His life that was a big fat jumbled up string of confusing thoughts and beliefs that made sense one moment and the next Mark had again no idea what was going on.

Of course the reason for everything going all wonky in Mark’s head was none other than Jackson.

Jackson fucking Wang and his stupid-ass ways of  _ still _ making Mark antsy and heartbroken and giddy and feeling like he was on cloud nine and like he wanted to throttle Jackson and… And… The list was long. It was far too many things to feel towards one person, and yet, here he was. Feeling.

Things had not progressed towards any kind of solution during the past months; Mark still loved Jackson as much as he had when they had started this whole  _ experiment _ , for the lack of a better word, but his love was now more cruel than it had been before. Now he had access to Jackson whenever he felt like it (except when Jackson wasn’t in the same country), but most of the time Mark felt like he was forcing his emotions on the younger, like he was trying to make Jackson love him back by having continuous sex with him.

Not that the sex was bad, far from it. Jackson was fierce during sex, moving and crying and  _ wanting _ so much Mark was sure all the fucking was making him lose weight. Jackson was, most of the time, extremely passionate and demanded the oddest things at random moments, like tying his wrists to his ankles so Mark could fuck him ruthlessly from behind on the floor, or ask if he could suck Mark’s fingers while jerking them both off at the same time. 

Mark had no real objections to these requests, not really. Jackson was good at what he was doing, and when the younger faltered, he made it up by trying so hard it was adorable, and quite attractive to be frank. Mark did, however, notice a pattern in their escapades; they had never, not after that first time when they had abused Youngjae’s bed, done anything sexual even near a bed. It was odd, that was for sure.

When he thought about having sex, or even just cuddling and kissing in bed with Jackson, Mark felt almost shy about it; it felt so much more intimate to think of doing stuff on a bed and taking their time, rather than seeking release in dark corners after getting off from stage or in dark hours in any relatively private space they could find. Doing something on a bed felt more premeditated, and less of a hurried mess that the thing between him and Jackson was. There was no reason why they hadn’t gotten it on on a bed after the first time, and yet they hadn’t. Was it an unspoken agreement or just a coincidence? Mark didn’t know.

Mark cursed under his breath when he dropped the two enormous laundry baskets onto the cold concrete floor of the laundry room. Jackson wasn’t home, hadn’t been for a week and a half now, and without him being there, Mark didn’t really feel like doing anything. Doing laundry was definitely on the bottom of the list of things he would like to be doing right now. Playing games in his room had been far nicer. 

Lately Jackson’s schedules had made it impossible for them to be together, and there had been very long periods when Mark didn’t hear anything from the younger. He knew Jackson had been in Hong Kong for the last couple of days, and although Mark was glad for the younger to be able to spend time with his family, whom the older knew Jackson loved more than anything, he couldn’t help but to feel sulky for being left behind for so long with no contact.

“He could at least  _ call _ me sometimes. Or  _ text. _ GOD, is it that hard to pick the phone up! He practically walks his face glued on it anyway.” Mark grumbled to himself in Chinese, slamming the washing machine door shut and turning it on, the first batch of laundry starting to rotate inside. It just made him so frustrated that Jackson didn’t show any signs of life when they were apart, and then when he would come back home from his overseas journeys he would loudly go hugging the youngest ones and of course  _ dear Jinyoung _ – Mark made a bitter, ugly face – would always get extra attention from Jackson. But the Chinese man never came to Mark first, though he would slip into Mark’s room late at night for some much needed tension relief. Mark would press him against the door and make him come right there with his fingers until he was a whimpering mess, feeling triumphant that he alone got Jackson like this. And at least getting these kinds of moments was easier now that they had their own rooms and they didn’t have to live with the fear of forever traumatizing Youngjae.

_ Stupid… Stupid… Stupid… _ Mark was good at placing the blame on Jackson, but he knew he wasn’t any better himself; he rarely sent any messages, so it was fairly childish from him to sulk for Jackson not contacting him, when really, Mark never did either. But a week ago, it had been  _ Mark _ who had sent the younger a picture of the late night jjigae they had ordered with Jaebum, so it had been Jackson’s turn to initiate a conversation after that, hadn’t it? It was only fair.

Mark hopped to sit on top of the washing machine, digging out his phone and headphones, the working of the machine a steady thrum beneath him as he settled back to focus on his game. It was too much work running up and down the stairs whenever he would be finished with one batch, and although the whole laundry room was booked for him, which meant that no one else would be coming down here, old habits from their previous dorm where one had to really keep an eye on the laundry stuck tight. Mark felt more at ease staying here, and at least it meant that he couldn’t be bugged into doing more chores by the maknaes or anyone else.

He blamed the loud rumble of the washing machine and the constant background music and sound effects of his game for not noticing someone enter the laundry room, but to be fair, there was no reason to expect anyone. He wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, which is why he got caught by surprise.

Thankfully he barely jolted when Jackson sprung up to him to try and scare him. After all, the oldest had been dubbed the bravest of the seven of them, the one that was the most difficult to scare. He had to act worthy of the title.

“Boo!” Jackson shouted as he jumped in front of the older. Mark flinched at the unexpected loud sound, but that was all. A smile was threatening to spread on his face, but he was trying to reign it in to not show too much that he had missed Jackson and his stupid face and his stupid grin and his stupid everything that was standing  _ right there _ in front of Mark, close enough that the older could reach out to touch if he wanted to.

Mark paused the game and took the headphones out of his ears.

“What are you doing here?” It came off more defensive than Mark meant to, and he tried to soften it by continuing, “I thought your flight would be after the weekend, in time for the fansign?”

“My schedule for the weekend was cancelled so I took an earlier flight,” Jackson answered airily, before continuing, “Aren’t you happy to see me?” There was feigned innocence in Jackson’s sulky tone of voice and the way he pushed his bottom lip forward into a plump pout, but it was discredited by the hand settling onto Mark’s thigh, too high to be merely friendly. A thumb fiddled with the inner seam of the ratty sweatpants the older was wearing, not having bothered to wear anything nicer just to go wash some clothes. He would have worn something nicer probably if he had known Jackson would be back today already.

And unfortunately, Mark was weak to both Jackson’s pout and his alluring touch.

“I am,” he answered simply, honestly. Jackson’s smile was bright, making the beating of Mark’s heart irregular for just a moment. Oh, how he had missed this frustratingly beautiful man.

Jackson stepped forward and Mark opened his legs to accommodate him closer automatically. If he were sitting on the edge of the machine right now, he’d be in Jackson’s arms, but as he had sat himself a little further back so that his knees were by the edge of the machine, there was still some distance between them. Jackson set his other hand on Mark’s other leg, sliding fingers of both hands up some more, making his intentions quite clear.

“I missed you too.” The words sent another thud through Mark’s chest, and when the younger started leaning forward for a kiss, he quickly dumped the phone and headphones out of his hands to grab Jackson’s jaw and the back of his neck, taking control of the kiss and guiding it to the perfect angle.

The kiss stayed chaste for barely a moment. Jackson’s bottom lip got a soft suck and nip for its previous pouting, but then the younger’s mouth was opening for him with a content sigh, and who was Mark to resist? Slipping his tongue into Jackson’s mouth felt as good as ever, the younger tasting like green tea he had probably drank on the way, and there was a keen high in Jackson’s voice as he was trying to get closer to Mark’s body but couldn’t quite manage, what with Mark sitting too far back on the washing machine and all.

“Needy,” Mark whispered onto Jackson’s lips as they parted for a moment, the pot calling the kettle black. The insecurity and frustration he had felt for too long now was still swirling inside of him, prompting him to angle Jackson’s face a little up, showing a little control. “If you missed me this much, why haven’t you messaged me in a week?”

“I sent the last message,” Jackson answered immediately with a petulant tone, but not backing away from Mark’s hold. “It was your turn.”

“I started the previous conversation, it was yours.”

There was a moment of heavy silence between them, only their audible breaths and the rumbling of the washing machine beneath Mark filling the room. They stared each other with straight faces for a second, two, three, until both their expressions started cracking from the edges and both of them slid into laughter, Mark’s fingers letting go of Jackson’s chin.

“Oh my god, this is so stupid,” the older said finally as his giggles calmed down. Jackson’s almond eyes were so beautiful when they when they sparkled with laughter, and Mark loved for that happy expression to be directed at him. “We’re stupid,” he reiterated, bringing a hand to stroke Jackson’s cheek in a manner that was too fond, too gentle.

“I guess we are,” Jackson answered, leaning into the touch, closing his eyes and smiling contently. Mark’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, words wanting to burst out of his chest but he wouldn’t let them.

It was almost cruel to see Jackson so demure and soft, incredibly so, like he was sharing all of Mark’s feelings and they were lovers reunited after a long period of separation. The sheer beauty of the moment made Mark want to rip his thudding heart from his chest so that he wouldn’t get sucked deeper into the dark pit of wanting to be with Jackson until they were both too old to lift a finger. He couldn’t, he  _ shouldn’t _ allow himself these soft moments but there was no way he could stop himself from caressing Jackson’s cheek with his fingers, feeling the younger pressing against his touch so eagerly. He couldn’t prevent himself from looking at the younger with such love in his eyes he would have gagged if had he seen himself from outside.

Mark could stare at Jackson like this for hours, if it were healthy and in any way smart, but the younger was probably sleepy after the busy time in Hong Kong and the tiring flight home. However, since Jackson was here, choosing to come see Mark instead of heading straight to bed… why not take advantage of the moment, just this once? (Or every single time Jackson happened to be so cuddly with him.)

He leaned in again, searching Jackson’s lips with his, the soft mouth opening the moment they were in contact, but Mark didn’t take it any further yet. He remained almost still, inhaling and exhaling slowly and feeling how his heartbeat was in every breath he took, the air mingling between them and open lips just barely touching. Jackson wasn’t for once moving or being hasty, but rather he remained still, eyes closed and waiting. Mark’s breath got caught in his throat, seeing Jackson like this. He was an idiot and he was never going to get over the love he held for this man. Never. He would burn to cinder and ash in the flame that was Jackson’s physical need for Mark, getting so much of what he wanted for himself but never enough.

His whole being ached with the bittersweetness of it all, and to stop his thoughts from spiraling further down those painful paths again, Mark moved in, closing the small gap between them and initiating a kiss that was as rare as fond words were between them. It was soft and hid so many emotions that Mark was sure he couldn’t keep on carrying all of them inside him for much longer.

Jackson didn’t say anything, probably unaware of the inner demons Mark was always fighting with, but his hands slid from the older man’s thighs to grab him by his waist and pulled him to the edge of the washing machine until the younger was standing snugly between Mark’s parted legs. The sudden closeness shifted the mood, the feeling of the kiss changing almost immediately with the new angle, the closeness providing a chance to go deeper, to turn the mood more passionate. Passion was familiar between them, lust was something Mark could handle as it was something he could control. Or at least that’s what he liked to tell to himself, in reality he was weak to anything Jackson did these days.

“Did you –” Jackson suddenly breathed out in the middle of the deep languid kisses that Mark was particularly soft for (why on earth did Jackson have to have such an alluring mouth) “– jerk off while I was away? Did you think about me while doing it?” Mark had wrapped his arms around Jackson’s shoulders, burying his right hand fingers into Jackson’s unruly dark locks, scraping the scalp with blunt fingernails.

Mark almost snorted, nearly started to laugh because, really now, who else but Jackson could honestly ask such a thing, in the middle of kissing no less, and only seem like they were just innocently querying something mundane? Be it as it were, Mark didn’t see the point in denying facts (as he had done just that; jerked off while thinking of Jackson). Mark wanted to blurt out ‘I always think of you, jerking off or not’, but didn’t. That would have been too much.

“I might have”, Mark bit down on Jackson’s bottom lip and pulled it back a little before releasing it and going back to kissing the living daylight of Jackson. “Did you?” The question came out as a soft mumble while they were catching their breaths.

“Think about myself while jerking off? Ew, no!” Jackson made a shocked face that Mark didn’t believe one second.

“Idiot.” Mark slapped the back of Jackson’s head gently. “Did you think about me.” It was phrased like a question, but toned like a command.

“Maybe…” Jackson’s smile was coy against Mark’s lips and he began to kiss his way down Mark’s cheek and towards his neck (it always made Mark’s stomach swirl pleasantly when Jackson did that  _ thing _ to his neck that included lots of teeth and tongue and sucking). “Maybe I couldn’t stop thinking about you at all while I was away.”

“Yeah, right.” Mark’s reply was half-hearted, his attention more on the teeth raking down his neck and the hot breath on his skin than on Jackson’s words. He balled up his fist still buried in Jackson’s hair and yanked the locks a bit more forcefully than he had meant to, forcing Jackson’s head bend back. “I bet you had to jerk off at least twice a day; you’re such a greedy boy. How much do you want it now, huh? Want me to take you on the cold floor and tell you I couldn’t sleep much without you somewhere nearby?” Mark’s words were low, darker than he had intended, but he had missed Jackson so much he was ready to go quite far to get Jackson’s undivided attention for himself.

Jackson shivered and nodded at the words, his lips parting for him to breathe heavily through his mouth, eyes dark and hooded. Mark had learned to read the signs, he knew that Jackson liked when he talked dirty, liked when he pushed and took control and left the younger trembling and panting. It wasn’t something Mark would have expected Jackson’s sexual preferences to be like, but gods was it a turn on to see the younger having to adjust himself in his pants, getting already so hard from what little they had done.

When Jackson’s hands lingered for a moment too long around his own crotch, Mark clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Get those hands on me. You’ve been touching yourself enough, haven’t you? Isn’t it better for me to touch?” Jackson had stayed quiet for too long now, and Mark tugged his head a little more back, not hard enough to hurt but rather just to show control. “Talk to me, Jackson.”

Jackson let out a shaky breath, but once he started with the words, it didn’t seem like he could stop. “Oh yes, fuck, I have, too much, thinking about you,” he blabbered, “It’s not the same when it’s just me touching myself, it’s not, at all. But I have to, because I keep remembering the way you press into me and, I need to come. Please,” he finally begged, and the word was a surge of arousal straight into Mark’s cock, “I want you so bad.”

Mark loosened the hold on Jackson’s head, allowing the younger to tilt it forward before it would get too uncomfortable, and the look Jackson directed him was sultry and sulky at the same time, dark eyes big and wanting. Mark wanted to devour him whole. “Shit, yeah. I want you too.” It was easy to admit these things, easy to accompany them with a hand raking down Jackson’s frame, lifting the loose hoodie the younger was wearing, prompting him to take it off along with the tank top he had been wearing beneath. The clothing out of the way, Mark’s hands moved over the younger’s torso greedily, touching all that was  _ his,  _ if only just for this moment.

Jackson probably had had no time to clean up after getting off from the plane but even with the possible sweaty scent Mark wasted no time to kiss and nip his way from Jackson’s cheek to his ear, biting the lobe and trailing his tongue at the edge, breathing loud and hot into Jackson’s ear. Jackson’s hands were twitching, resting over Mark’s thighs and he wanted Jackson to touch him, to reach everywhere and claim him as much his as Mark was claiming Jackson. “You dreamed of touching me, right?” He kept his voice a low murmur, the sound vibrating straight into Jackson’s ear. Jackson shivered visibly and Mark felt his stomach dropping. “I’m here now. Do what you want.”

Jackson let out a soft sigh, like some kind of door had been opened and he slid his hands higher on Mark’s thighs, thumbs pressing against the inside of the sweatpants, going higher and higher. Mark’s mouth opened just a little more involuntarily, an appreciative sound slipping out as Jackson’s thumbs grazed over the fabric covering Mark’s crotch. It was simply heaven; even that small amount of pressure sent electric surges through his body and made his stomach swirl.

Mark moaned shamelessly when Jackson pressed a whole palm against his cock, the younger’s hand cupping him over the fabric and making his knees feel like spaghetti. The older was glad he wasn’t standing up at that moment, because he might have faltered. To give like he was getting, Mark moved his lips from Jackson’s ear to his neck, the younger’s eyes fluttering shut. He sank his teeth into the skin of Jackson’s throat softly, feeling the rapid pulse irregular and fast under his tongue lapping over the beautiful skin.

“I want –” Jackson jerked forward when Mark placed his both hands on Jackson’s ass, kneading the perfect two buttocks, the black jeans Jackson was still wearing making it impossible to spread his ass even a little. But there was still time for that and right now Mark was listening, heart beating like crazy, to what Jackson was saying. “– to blow you. I can’t believe I’m saying it but I love to suck you off, you’re so pretty when you’re like that and I just want you even more because I know you’re going to,  _ oh my go–” _ Jackson got interrupted because Mark slid his right hand from the waistband of Jackson’s jeans in and under the boxers he was wearing. He traced the buttock as far as he could reach, squeezing the tight muscle possessively. Jackson was his, and only his, during these moments and it made Mark so drunk with feelings he was almost dizzy.

“Go on, Jackson. Tell me what I’m going to do to you.” Mark straightened his back, leveling their faces again. He hovered over Jackson’s red lips, so luscious and beautiful and Mark just wanted to kiss him and feel the way they would melt together. “Tell me,  _ baby, _ and I’ll make it true.” The endearment just slipped from Mark’s mouth and he didn’t even realise it before it was too late. He froze for a fraction of second, fearing Jackson would be turned off by such a thing.

His fear was clearly unwarranted, because Jackson shuddered and basically melted under the words and his touch, letting out a soft sound, almost a hiccup as Mark squeezed his ass again. “I –” There was just a moment’s hesitation before Jackson continued, just a second’s consideration of whether or not he should say the words, but to Mark’s delight, he did. “I know that you’ll use my mouth and pull my hair, but before you come you’ll stop and lift me up, kiss me sloppily before you’ll take me, giving me finally the cock I’ve been longing for.”

Mark inhale was sharp and shaky before he groaned, the image Jackson planted in his head absolutely delicious and yeah, fuck, he wanted that. He pulled his hand back from Jackson’s pants and slapped the side of the younger’s ass, about to reason that he needed to be prepared first if he wanted to be taken immediately after Mark fucked his mouth, but the loud breathy moan and the full-body jerk that Jackson gave broke Mark’s train of thought. They had well established that Jackson rather liked to be spanked and got off on it, but this? This was an extreme reaction still.

Mark narrowed his eyes, bringing one hand to hold Jackson’s chin so he could tilt the younger’s face up and examine his expression. There was a flush high on the brunette’s cheeks, and his eyes were angled downwards in a shy expression, something rather uncommon for the Chinese male.

“Do you have a secret from me, baby?” The endearment came almost automatically the second time, but Mark was too turned on by the possibilities and insinuations of Jackson’s reaction to care. “Tell me.”

The words came out in a tumble so fast that Mark could barely decipher them. “I… may have bought a butt plug that would get through the security control and worn it from since I left Hong Kong?”

“Oh my god,” Mark groaned before he could even think. Jackson was absolutely  _ incurable, _ and gods, just thinking about him greeting his fans at the airport and going through the checks and sitting in a shaking airplane all the way to Seoul, being stimulated by a plug all the way? It was  _ naughty, _ and risky too, because what a mess it could have become if Jackson had gotten caught in security. And it had been  _ hours, _ Jackson must be stimulated  _ crazy _ by now. “You  _ planned _ this, coming straight to me after your flight landed. You’re so needy, lusting after my cock for what, hours now? Fuck, that’s hot, Jackson.”

Jackson keened, eyes flickering up to Mark’s, and gods, the older was so weak to this puppy look. “I told you… So can I, now?”

It took Mark a moment to register what Jackson was talking about, but when he remembered he was asking to suck Mark off– The older was so horny by now that he would probably be driven to the edge far too quickly, but fuck, who was he to deny anything Jackson wanted.

Mark hopped off of the rumbling machine, grinning like an idiot just at the prospect of what was to come, and the fact that Jackson had been looking forward to this, been thinking about this for hours long.

“Go ahead, I’m all yours.” As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, the older mentally hit himself over the head. He might be high on lust, but seriously, what was wrong with him, letting all these little truths slip from his mouth! At least it was more than likely that Jackson was just taking his words as part of the game, part of this insanely hot makeout session that would end up exactly where they wanted sooner than later. Right now Mark just wanted to see how his straining cock would disappear between Jackson’s plush lips, and beg to any god nearby to give him enough self-control that he would survive the whole thing without ejaculating too early.

Jackson’s smile was like a thousand gigawatt lightbulb when he got down on his knees, hands running down from Mark’s sides to rest them on the older man’s hips. Mark leaned his back and arms against the washing machine, allowing the younger some room to undress him, and Jackson used it, pulling down the sweatpants, big eyes flickering up to look at the older man’s face, their color dark, almost black. 

“Go on. Suck it between your beautiful, red lips…” Mark whispered as an encouragement when Jackson hadn’t moved yet, just kneeling there, staring at the erection right front of him with something in his eyes that the older hoped was just lust, and not apprehension or something similar. Mark placed his right hand on Jackson’s head, fingers threading the dark strands, the gesture more tender than Mark intended to show. Why was everything about Jackson so desirable and amazing? Even his hair made Mark want to press his face against it and just inhale the scent until he would be dizzy with too much oxygen.

Had Mark seen own reflection he would have panicked; he looked exactly like a man in love, and that love was soft and beautiful, much unlike the rough and dirty lust he preferred to show. Love was a vulnerability, whereas lust wasn’t.

Impatiently, the older pressed slightly harder at the base of younger’s skull, guiding him forward. Jackson went along with the movement easily enough, his lips opening and his mouth– “Oh sweet mother of mercy,” Mark whispered as Jackson’s mouth enveloped his aching cock, sucking it in as far as possible in one go. He was seeing stars just from this, his insides coiling like mad. Jackson’s mouth was a magical place that he simply could not get enough of. His hips began to move almost automatically, finding a rhythm they had already practiced much, coming in sync with the movements so that Mark could fuck Jackson’s mouth the way he had found the younger liked.

Jackson was gripping Mark’s hips with both hands, keeping himself balanced while his mouth was doing all the work. His short nails dug into the older’s pale skin, and Mark had almost forgotten how much he liked the slight twinge of pain in the midst of sex. He wanted to ask for more, for just a little bit more force, but didn’t have the time to say anything when the man on his knees did something that almost made the older man’s knees buckle under him. Jackson gently closed his jaws enough to lightly have his teeth on Mark’s cock, not too much, but enough for him to feel the pearly whites scratching the hot surface just a little bit before holding off again. The slightest twinge of pain, contrasting against the smoothness of his mouth, and it was  _ perfect. _ Jackson’s cheeks were so beautifully hollowed, his tongue wet and incredible, and Mark couldn’t stop looking at the way his cock moved in and out of that precious, stupefyingly alluring mouth.

Jackson glanced up at Mark, the cock slipping out from between his lips that were now redder than before, abused and swollen. He looked so hot and bothered kneeling there. Mark was struck with a brief sting of worry that the floor must hurt the younger’s knees, but jesus  _ fuck _ did Jackson look absolutely fuckable. And that was exactly what he would be in a matter of moments.

“Was that okay?” Jackson asked carefully, and Mark blamed the amazing mouth action he had just gotten on his cock that it took him again so long to realize what the younger was referring to. The teeth.

“Ah, yeah, just, if you’re careful,” the words were a jumble out of Mark’s mouth, but he couldn’t really blame himself. He took his hands off of the rumbling washing machine to guide Jackson to stand up, not wanting the younger to kneel on the unforgiving floor tiles any longer. Jackson beamed up at him and accepted the hands offered, letting the older to pull him up and close, and Mark wasted no time switching their places and pressing him against the washing machine instead, prompting the younger to open his legs and let the older settle between them. Mark knew how the rounded edge of the washing machine felt like pressing just underneath one’s ass, and he made sure to have Jackson feel it as he pressed their erections together, making both of them moan, the younger louder than the older.

Their lips clashed in the middle, taking away the need to speak, and Mark rutted their hips together, his own bare length dragging against the rough material of Jackson’s jeans and poking at the younger’s lower stomach, smearing precum over the trail of hair leading right under the waistband of the last obstacle. Without breaking the kiss, Mark dragged his hands down Jackson’s sides and brought them between them, only breaking the contact between their hips to be able to open the belt, button and zipper of Jackson’s pants before pulling both them and the boxers he was wearing as much down as he could, which was barely under the younger’s ass.

Taking a regretful half a step back, Mark used both of his hands on Jackson’s thighs to help the younger sit on the edge of the washing machine, before making quick work to rid the boy of his sneakers, socks, jeans and underwear, everything the younger was still wearing that was preventing Mark from burying himself where he wanted to be. Jackson let out a strangled sound as he sat himself fully on the trembling surface, and a sly smile spread on the older man’s face as he was reminded that the plug the younger was wearing was probably completely impossible to ignore with the added stimulation of the tremors of the washing machine.

Mark couldn’t hide his almost evil grin while he was watching the changing expressions on Jackson’s face, and he wondered how far Jackson was from reaching the peak of his pleasure. It couldn’t be very far with the stimulation going on for  _ hours _ already. He almost wanted to end the younger’s suffering as quick as he could, to give him easily what they both wanted, but the urge to tease, to play the situation some more won.

“How does it feel to sit there with that plug in your ass? Good?” Mark walked both his hands higher on Jackson’s bare thighs – he could never really get enough of them – and stopped only when he could sneak them around Jackson’s waist to tease his crack. Jackson almost jumped when Mark slid one finger further between the buttocks, feeling his way forward until the tips of his fingers met the elastic and warm shape, foreign but not unwelcome. He pushed it, leaning forward at the same time and caught the gasp that escaped Jackson’s lips, kissing the sound away with an open-mouthed kiss.

Repeating the movement of his fingers a couple of times earned Mark a very squirmish Jackson. “Can you  _ please _ stop teasing me and get to the point already?” The younger was borderline sobbing, his voice breaking and in general sounding far huskier than usual, and that went like a jolt straight to Mark’s cock. He had to inhale very deep in order to keep himself under control and not flip Jackson around and– “It feels  _ so good _ but I want  _ you.” _

Well, that was as much as the older man’s patience could take. Mark kissed Jackson one last time, sucking on his already swollen lips like candy before pushing Jackson to lie down on his back. The washing machine was speeding up, the spin-dry making the whole thing whirr and jerk around, and the effect was clear on Jackson, big chocolatey eyes closing and bottom lip sucked between teeth to keep control. The younger was so breathtakingly beautiful like this, so completely undone and Mark smiled at the sight, spreading the honey thighs with both hands so he could finally end Jackson’s torment and remove the plug.

What Mark didn’t expect, when he looked down to see what he was doing, was to see a brightly colored jelly plug with two holes on edge that prevented the toy to be sucked in completely sticking out of Jackson’s asshole. There was nothing wrong about the sight, just the colour alone made Mark quirk his brow up. He looped two fingers into the holes and began pulling the item out.

The more it came out, the more Mark wanted to ask why; the toy was in bright red and pink hues, the colours swirling and blending together along the glittery surface. “Nice colours you got here.” Mark made a choked remark, but Jackson only moaned when it plopped out, his eyes shut tight now, looking like we was fighting down a curse or a moan. “Why this particular color scheme, hm? I could have sworn you’d choose black.”

“It,” Jackson gasped, his whole body actually trembling. “It reminded me of you. Because you like red. And they didn’t have all red so I took that because… Yeah.” A pause. “Why? Do you hate it?”

“Fuck no.” Mark licked his lips quickly, trying to fight down the fluffy emotion that was trying to take over his heart; Jackson had thought about him when he bought the toy!  _ Mark!  _ He had honestly wanted something that reminded him of Mark. Un-fucking-believable.

He set the lube covered plug down onto the nearest non-shaking surface he could find, jotting down a mental note to clean up later. For now, Mark didn’t care – all of his attention was on how Jackson’s hole clenched around nothing, and the older brought one long, slender finger to teasingly trace the lube smeared rim, not quite pushing inside until Jackson let out what could only be described as a frustrated wail, and Mark decided to have mercy on him. Two fingers slid inside easily, and Mark started scissoring them immediately, relishing the feel of how pliant Jackson’s walls were against them already. It was a luxury, not needing to prep much. Not that Mark didn’t love foreplay – one of his favorite things was unraveling Jackson beneath him into a mess of high-pitched moans and curses before he would finally give the younger what they both wanted – but it was a rare treat that they could rush into things, be dragged by desire head first like this without the risk of hurting Jackson. Mark added a third finger after just a moment of scissoring, and it still didn’t seem like too much of a stretch, so the older let out a pleased sound.

He carefully avoided Jackson’s prostate, knowing already well how to find it. Jackson was already so worked up now that he didn’t need any additional stimulation, lest Mark wanted that the younger would come before the older would be fully seated inside of him. The vibrations of the washing machine made it that much harder to try to not to stimulate Jackson, but it was worth the sight of the younger writhing and moaning, so close to begging for more but still clinging in vain to some last shreds of pride.

Unfortunately for Jackson, Mark still had more patience left than the younger cared for his pride, so just before the older decided his quick, sloppy stretching was enough, Jackson broke. “Ah, c’mon hyung, I’m r-ready, uh, I’ve been for  _ hours  _ and I–  _ please.” _

It was just about all Mark could take.

He pulled his lube covered fingers carefully out of Jackson, slathering any excess onto his own cock before lining himself up with Jackson, pushing in to the hilt with one precise thrust.

Jackson’s nails were digging into the older man’s ass and he was letting out a long, strangled moan at the sensation of finally being filled, but Mark didn’t give him much time to adjust. He started a steady but sharp rhythm, going hard and fast, not taking it slow now that he knew Jackson had been thinking about him, waiting for him all day. Jackson’s heat felt like heaven around him, and like this, Mark could feel the extra stimulation of the trembling machine beneath Jackson too, the additional vibrations making everything just  _ more.  _ Mark wasn’t at all sure about how long he would be able to last. The least he could do was to properly fuck Jackson’s brains out before the pleasure would be too much.

Jackson threw his head back, his grip on Mark letting go when he instead went to prop his weight on his elbows, changing the angle to suit himself better.

“Oh god, yes yes, there, ff-ffuuc-ck!” Jackson’s voice wasn’t the quietest, and Mark was just glad the machine was making such noise that it had to cover most of the sounds they were making. He gathered Jackson’s legs in his hands, bringing them in front of him, squeezing them around the calves, and all the time keeping up that steady rhythm that was causing Jackson to moan and jerk so deliciously.

“Holy fuck, Jacks… You’re so,” Mark had trouble forming sensible or coherent sentences in his head but he tried his best to deliver something, just for the sake of entertaining Jackson if nothing else. Maybe a bit because he  _ wanted _ to give Jackson everything he could, to make sure he had done his utmost to make the other come back to him for more. One day he might run out of ideas, but that day was still far in the future. “So. Damn. Juicy.” He accentuated each word with a sharp, deep jab of his hips. Jackson breathing was fragmented, his head lolling back with each thrust inside him.

“Oh,  _ oh _ , yeah, yes, wow, oh my god, Mark, yes yes it’s just for you, no one else makes me like this, fuck YES, that’s the spot,  _ hnnn _ don’t stop.” Jackson wasn’t probably even concentrating on what he was saying and Mark’s insides, already extremely close at exploding, tightened just a bit more, the heat so intense and the pleasure made his head spin. He could listen Jackson babbling delirious nonsense all night long, but he was so close, so very very close at peaking, the ecstacy building and building until there wasn’t much he could do to keep it at bay. But damn him if he would finish before Jackson would.

Mark swore under his breath, closing his eyes while trying to focus his remaining sanity on pushing Jackson over the edge, make him come undone. He always enjoyed seeing how Jackson managed to look so perfect, so incredibly beautiful when he came, his lips parting and his brow furrowing, the veins on his neck visible when he was strung tight as the rapture swallowed him whole, sweat glistening on his golden skin.

Spreading Jackson’s legs again Mark leaned forward from between them, placing his hands on both sides of the trembling body beneath him for support, watching closely if the new angle would unravel Jackson, like it most likely would. If he was lucky it would let them finish the quick and dirty playtime before it would become too much to handle.

Jackson did indeed let out a loud, satisfied groan at the changed angle, his arms giving up under him and he flopped down onto the flat surface on his back, eyes screwed tightly shut. The younger, despite his delirious state, wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist, forcing him to stay right where he was. Not that he was going anywhere anyway. Smiling like the happy idiot he was, Mark moved with ruthless pace now, the wet sounds of his cock working into Jackson audible over the rumble of the washing machine finishing the program. Jackson was squeezing the edges of the machine so hard it was turning his knuckles white. He was definitely close.

A couple more hard, sweet thrusts into the burning heat and Mark was breathing hard, sweat trickling down his temple, losing control over the orgasm building so rapidly now he had no other option but to close his eyes even though he wanted to look at Jackson, watch him quivering and moaning, looking like a delicious dessert that was all his to devour. He had to keep all control he could.

“M-mark,” Jackson breathed out, his voice rough and raw. “I’m gonna,  _ oh god _ ,” Mark couldn’t stop his movements anymore, they were erratic and fast, pistoning in and out of Jackson’s willing body that was responding to his each move. “I want you,  _ mm! _ , look at me.”

That was it, the plea was the last straw Mark could handle, and he forced himself to look down at Jackson who was staring up at him, irises blown and mouth open just enough for the sight to be even more bewitching. His stomach tightened, the heat pooling until there was nothing but static white noise, white blinking lights and everything exploding like a woken up, raging volcano.

_ “Shi–” _ Mark gasped, the orgasm almost knocking his balance off. Jackson was smiling like he had won a gold medal, an unspoken bet, his beautiful face glistening with sweat, and then he came as well, upper body curling up as the tidal wave of pleasure crashed over him and he closed his eyes, head rising from the hard surface. Mark gave his all trying to give Jackson time to ride the orgasm as long as it was humanly possible, but he was tired and spent and so satisfied he couldn’t manage half a minute more.

The washing program had finished before they had. The room was eerily quiet now, so quiet that they could hear how loud and clear how ragged their breaths were. Mark pulled slowly out, every muscle in his body vibrating like he had done a two hour hard workout at the gym. He cringed at the mess of come on Jackson’s lower stomach and the trickling from his spent hole.

Mark was hit by guilt for doing this in the laundry room. They were so unhygienic.

He let Jackson gather his wits for a while. The younger was mumbling something under his breath that Mark’s tired mind couldn’t decipher, so he simply hummed as a quasi-answer, before forcing his tired muscles to move. He picked up the red and pink plug from the counter and deposited it in a sink before getting a rag to try and clean the mess they made.

He had gotten everything wiped, the plug cleaned and Jackson’s whiny ass down from the washing machine to put his clothes back on when everything went to hell.

Mark was down on his knees getting the laundry out of the washing machine and into a laundry basket while Jackson was standing next to him, pulling on his boxers, the plug deposited on top of the appliance, when the more lazy than awkward silence was broken by the tell-tale sound of the door to the laundry room opening. Mark’s head snapped up and Jackson froze where he was adjusting himself in his boxers, when Bambam’s voice filtered into the room.

“Hyung, I thought I’d help you with–”

The sentence was left hanging in the air, Bambam freezing in the doorframe as he took in the scene.

And oh, what a picture they made, with the red and pink butt plug on the counter, Mark on his knees and Jackson with his hands in his boxers, the rest of his clothing discarded somewhere. Mark was a deer in headlights. It was far too easy to get the right kind of wrong impression about what had just happened here.

Bambam was the first to recover. The youngest out of the three was obviously flustered, avoiding everyone’s eyes and gesturing vaguely with a hand. “Ah, I see you don’t need any help. Okay, bye!” And with that, the Thai boy was out of the room before anyone could protest or explain, and a few seconds later, the door closed behind him with an ominous thud. The sound seemed much louder than it was in the trepidatious silence.

Jackson was the second to snap back to reality, and he voiced exactly what Mark was thinking.

“Well, fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /evil laughter/
> 
> Oh yes we are doing a little plot now for our pwp. Some miniscule plot that will allow us to bring Markson to a happy ending and actually end this little experiment of a story :D It's going to be our usual style, and nothing will be easy of course.
> 
> We _might_ even have the next update much more quickly than the previous ones, since we want to get this story to its climax~
> 
> In any case, leave us a comment ♥
> 
> P.S. Don't try to smuggle an anal plug through airport security, we have NO guarantees it would actually work


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We very infrequent updaters are back! With a chapter that was made in record time! Amazing!

The situation was far from ideal, Mark admitted that. Okay, he was fine with things coming out into the light, but it would have been preferable to happen only  _ after _ he himself had managed to find out what exactly it was that Jackson wanted from the… uh, whatever this thing between them was. An arrangement. And now there was no time to figure that out because Bambam had seen them,  ended up as an unfortunate witness to the aftermath of their latest exploit, and now they had to face the music in the form of an intervention by their group members. 

Mark was ready to admit that they had gone a little too far – it was fine to have sex, but did it always have get so rough and wild, and in places where they could get caught, too? But apparently, that was what Jackson wanted, and that was also, ironically, the only thing about Jackson that Mark was almost 100% sure of. Almost.

Mark sat on the floor, rigid and staring at Jaebum with glassy eyes and yeah, he was hearing everything the leader was saying, but he was also acutely aware that only a fraction of it actually registered in his brain. Mark was far too busy observing his own feelings and too engrossed in the lack of what he knew about Jackson’s to take proper note on what was happening around him. 

Jackson had turned as white as a sheet by the time the door to downstairs had closed behind Bambam’s retreating back. The Hong Kong rapper had turned to look at Mark, horror written all over his face, like the older could somehow just fix the situation, or maybe tell him that he had just been dreaming and it hadn’t really happened, or  _ something _ . Instead, Mark’s reaction had been a near complete shutdown. Should he panic, he had thought, or should he run after Bam and try to convince the younger what he had seen wasn’t what it very obviously was? Was everything now in ruins, or could this somehow be salvaged? What should they do? Deny everything and tell lies, or simply tell the truth?

The thing was, Mark didn’t know what the truth about their situation was. He had no idea what  _ they  _ were and that made Mark feel like he couldn’t breathe sometimes. Jackson had never come clean about what he wanted, and Mark had been too scared to ask, because as long as what they were doing was something that Jackson liked, it had felt better to not know if that was  _ all _ Jackson wanted, or not. Plausible deniability, or something. Ignorance was supposed to be bliss, but right now Mark wanted nothing more than to know if they were on the same page with Jackson or not. No, that wasn’t right. He wanted to know that they both wanted something more. Knowing that Jackson  _ didn’t _ was what he couldn’t bear, which was also the reason why he hadn’t insisted to know.

Jackson was at the other side of the living room, a considerable distance from Mark, his head hanging low and his eyes glued to his socks instead of looking at anyone in the room. After they had climbed back upstairs into the shared flat, not a single word had come out from between those precious lips that had been wrapped so deliciously around Mark’s cock less than an hour ago.

“I’m not saying it’s wrong what you’re doing, but Mark, at least you should be aware of how harmful this sort of a thing could be if it were to get out and into public knowledge.” Jaebum said gravely, trying to address the oldest member for some reason instead of the both of them, peering at Mark with Jinyoung sitting next to him like the supportive partner the second half of JJ Project always was.

Mark envied the easy relationship between the two; although it was platonic and based on nearly indestructible friendship, there was something elegant and romantic in the way Jaebum could lift an eyebrow and Jinyoung would respond to it smoothly and correctly, always knowing what the unsaid question or request was. And it worked both ways, which only made it worse for Mark when he was feeling particularly moody about something Jackson had done, or had not done. Seeing his two friends so damn balanced and synchronized was highlighting how much he and Jackson  _ weren’t, _ and it only made the distress Mark felt about their vague relationship worse.

“–want to know what exactly this is between the two of you.” Jaebum was finishing a sentence Mark didn’t hear the beginning of. The leader was glancing between Mark and Jackson now, waiting for an answer. Mark blinked, and although he hadn’t been listening, he could guess what the first part had been; Jaebum wanted to know what it was that was going on between them. 

The million dollar question.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mark finally replied flatly, trying his hardest to be nonchalant even though he was feeling anything but. It was hard not to glance at Jackson, but with great effort Mark managed not to, leveling Jaebum with an unamused stare.

Mark was hovering in a weird, numb state between amusement (because this  _ was _ after all a bit of a joke: they had all signed the contracts, agreed to the no dating policies, but no one had forbidden them to have dalliances between the members inside their group, now had they?), irritation (because, well, did that really need an explanation? Anyone would be annoyed if someone butted their head into business that wasn’t theirs to begin with) and fear. 

The fear was what he was trying his hardest to ignore. It was that painful lump stuck in his throat, that heavy weight in his stomach, the unpleasant tightness in his chest whenever his thoughts crossed over the possibility that Jackson would  _ finally _ speak what was really on his mind, and all pretense that Mark had about Jackson maybe liking him as something more, too, would break when Jackson would tell everyone in plain words how he  _ really _ felt.

“Besides, it really is none of your concern.” Mark continued in a stern tone that indicated that he was done with this conversation, the confrontation, done with people meddling in his and Jackson’s relationship, and that he would hear no more of it.

Jaebum opened his mouth, but closed it with a snap after Jinyoung placed a calming hand on his thigh. The sight made Mark feel worse. Taking over, Jinyoung’s dark eyes locked Mark into place for a moment.

“Hyung…” Jinyoung’s voice was always so soft, so polite and usually it soothed Mark’s nerves, but today it did almost the opposite. Jinyoung was imploring him to calm down, to be rational, with just that one word said, but Mark had had enough. He moved to stand up. Nobody dared to stop him, probably because of the stormy expression on his face.

“We aren’t doing anything wrong, right? You said so yourself, Jaebum.” Nobody dared to answer, the room stunned into silence at Mark’s sharp tone, so he continued, “We all have heard the same rules and same advice from our managers and staff, so I really don’t appreciate the patronizing. Leave us alone, alright? We know what we’re doing.” They really didn’t, or at least Mark didn’t, but he certainly wasn’t going to say that. He wanted to get the others off of their backs, to get out of this oppressive situation. So without another word, he stormed out, slamming the door to his room behind him, and regretting that they hadn’t gotten locks installed on them.

Because sure enough, after a couple of minutes of lying on his stomach on his bed and hoping he would suffocate in his pillows, or that he could at least drown out the sounds of argument between the other members in the living room, the noise calmed down only for a knock to sound on Mark’s door. Mark didn’t answer, hoping against hope that if he was silent, whoever was behind the door might think he fell asleep in the three minutes he was gone. It was a vain hope to begin with. After another set of knocks, Jaebum’s muffled voice came through the door, informing that he would be coming in, and that Mark had exactly five seconds to cover what he wished to cover if he was naked.

He wasn’t, he had just thrown himself in all of his clothes on top of the covers, so Mark didn’t move, and the door was opened a moment later.

At least Jaebum had had the good sense to approach him alone this time, judging from the fact that there was only one pair of steps walking into the room. The mattress shifted under Jaebum’s weight as he sat on the edge next to Mark, and the older wondered how well the leader has thought this through, if he really knew what he was going to say, and if Mark was making this more difficult for him by being so uncooperative. Good if he was, the older thought bitterly. Yeah, he knew he wasn’t being the most mature right now. But he was confused enough without the others getting involved, and all of this was just adding another layer of complexity on his and Jackson’s…  _ thing. _

It was just unfortunate that Jaebum seemed adamant in not leaving him alone.

“I’m sorry that came off as so confrontational,” Jaebum started, and Mark snorted in response.  _ Came off as confrontational? _ That had  _ been _ a confrontation, an intervention, nothing else. “We didn’t really think through how to approach you two about this subject and that just… Wasn’t the right way.”

Mark could agree with that, so he remained silent.

“It’s just… We were surprised, and we’re worried, you know?” If Jaebum expected him to take part in this conversation, he was going to be so disappointed. “We know you’re adults, and you’re free to do… Whatever it is that you’re doing, I guess. Just, as it kind of affects all of us at least indirectly if not directly, we’d like to be on the same page about it?”

Mark muffled a hollow laugh into his pillow. He wished  _ he and Jackson _ were on the same page about it, but alas, they weren’t. Gee, sometimes people just didn’t get what they want, now did they?

Jaebum had to backtrack a little, because Mark wasn’t answering. “I mean, of course you’re not obligated to tell us everything, but just, I wish you had told us this was going on instead of us finding out in this way?” Well, that was a decently valid point. Except that there had been  _ no way _ Mark would have told the others what was going on, because  _ he didn’t know what was going on. _ Only that he and Jackson were messing around and Mark had no idea how long it would be until he would get his heart irrevocably broken.

It was a valid enough point for Mark to turn his head just enough to be able to answer Jaebum, “You weren’t meant to find out this way.”

The leader chuckled at that, clearly relieved Mark was responding in some other way than just vague sounds and ignoral. “Yeah, we gathered that. I think Bambam is permanently traumatized, but considering how he kept showing up naked to welcome other members when we first moved together into the dorms, he deserved at least  _ some _ of it.”

Mark joined Jaebum in his laughter, rolling onto his side so that he could actually look at Jaebum. It was difficult to remain angry when the other had made him genuinely laugh, but Mark was still feeling defensive and wary.

Jaebum got serious quickly enough again, giving Mark a tight smile. “You’ll be careful, right? We don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

_ I probably am, _ Mark thought resentfully. But Jaebum had apologized, and he was trying to be as rational and reasonable about this as possible, so Mark nodded, giving in just a little. “We try to be,” he replied to the request about being careful, but ignored the latter sentiment. He couldn’t promise anything about that.

“Right. I’ll leave you alone then.” Jaebum made a move to stand up. “I left Jinyoung to deal with Jackson, but since it’s so quiet I guess we don’t have to buy a new TV or fix the walls.” Mark grunted back at this, his stomach plummeting again, the short moment of ease dissipating as the confusion he seemed to live in nowadays settled right back over him.

Jaebum got up from the bed when Mark remained quiet. The taller was already by the door when Mark finally spoke. “Thanks.” The quiet word fell from Mark’s lips like he was trying to add an apology in it as well, but didn’t know how to dress both gratitude and regret into words.

The leader nodded, flashing a reassuring little smile at Mark and his plight as if to say  _ I’m here if you need me _ , then stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him carefully. Mark was left again alone with his thoughts, and even though it was what he had been wishing from the start, he felt even more miserable than before.

He had never guessed himself to be such a scaredy cat when it came to facing the truth. 

_ It’s gonna hurt like hell if,  _ when _ , Jackson says he just wants to get fucked and nothing more, _ Mark thought bitterly, acknowledging the source of the pain hiding in his heart. He was, plain and simple, afraid Jackson would reject him, afraid that the younger would with no trace of emotion in his voice tell Mark that he was in this only because Mark had happened to conveniently initiate a friends with benefits arrangement, and the sexual release was much needed and appreciated. Well, probably there would be  _ some _ trace of emotion, the pity and regret from realizing that Mark had all along thought of what they were doing as something more. That was not he wanted, although it seemed like what Mark wanted was not something he could get.

_ But he was thinking of you, _ a small voice at the back of Mark’s head whispered cunningly, the memory of Jackson looking so bashful when he had revealed that he had bought the brightly coloured toy with Mark in his mind, had actually  _ looked forward to _ them getting back together. And there had been moments in between when Mark had glimpsed  _ something _ in Jackson’s eyes that must have meant there was something the younger had not said yet, and that something was in Mark’s benefit and not the opposite.

But that was just wishful thinking, right? There was no way Jackson would ever want Mark, right? At least not in any other form than the dominant guy who would fuck Jackson from the slightest suggestion into oblivion. Jackson would want some pretty little thing that would give him attention and would attend to all his needs and would give the Hong Kong native a dozen of cute chubby-cheeked mini-Jacksons.

_ I can give him all that too, _ Mark thought petulantly.  _ Well, not the kids, but that’s not the point and you can always adopt, and seriously we’re not supposed to even think about offspring at this point anyway! _

Mark buried his face back into the pillow, groaning loudly, fists pounding the mattress in pure frustration like he was five years old and all problems could be solved by throwing a good old temper tantrum. There had to be a way out of this all without him getting his heart trampled over, but for all the world he couldn’t see one.

It was with these thoughts that Mark fell asleep on top of the covers, still clothed in the shirt and ratty sweatpants he wore to the laundry room, so drained and tired from everything that he had not bothered to get up and change.

  
  
  


Mark had not given himself time to properly wake up before he stumbled into the kitchen the following morning, his throat so parched it came only slightly second to the need to pee, which he had taken care of first. He had also not have the time to think about how he would face Jackson the next time they would be together in the same room, so it was safe to say Mark was thoroughly unprepared when he turned the corner into their kitchen and Jackson was there by the counter, making organic tea, or something. At the sound of steps, Jackson turned, giving Mark absolutely no time for a retreat and regroup.

Something flitted over Jackson’s expression as he saw who it was by the doorway, but he greeted him like any other morning, going back to stir his tea. social rules dictated that Mark had to answer with a mumbled good morning as he made his way over to the cupboard, getting a glass out before wandered to the water machine, desperate enough for the cool drink to brave the imminent awkward social situation, instead of coming up with an excuse and walking away.

They were silent as Mark filled his glass. Mark intentionally didn’t turn back towards Jackson as he drank his water, but hey, he wanted a refill anyway once he chugged the first glass. He definitely wasn’t just delaying the inevitable for as long as he could while his brains were booting from sleep straight into panic mode of  _ oh god what was Jackson thinking right now, where did they stand after the confrontation yesterday, should he say something, how did he act usually around Jackson anyway? _

There was only so long Mark could stall without making the situation worse for himself, so after filling his second glass, he turned to Jackson, ready to utter an excuse of going back to bed, but he was stopped by the expression on the younger’s face.

Jackson was leaning on the counter next to his now ready tea, fiddling his fingers in front of him and chewing on his plump bottom lip, big eyes looking at Mark in apprehension, the perfect image of a kicked puppy. The pout and uncertainty on Jackson’s face was so  _ unfair, _ because Mark was weak, and that expression was a dropkick straight to his heart. The excuse just died on Mark’s lips as he froze on the spot, alarm lights blaring in his head, wondering what the hell he should do  _ now. _

Noticing that he had Mark’s attention, and that the older wasn’t going anywhere, it seemed that Jackson gained some confidence, although hesitation was still obvious in the way he couldn’t quite seem to meet Mark’s eyes. The younger pushed himself off of the counter and approached Mark, halting a couple of steps in front of the older, eyes fixed on Mark’s bare feet instead of his face.

“Hyung, I…” Jackson begun, the address form unusual considering they were alone with just the two of them, and Mark didn’t know what he was supposed to make of  _ that. _

Mark put his glass on the table, waiting for Jackson to continue, but the younger didn’t. Jackson glanced up to Mark’s face before dropping his gaze again, a pained expression on his face. He was fiddling with his fingers again. “I, um… I wanted to, uh…”

He looked up to Mark again, his eyes asking for help, but Mark had no idea what Jackson wanted from him. He was confused as hell at how serious Jackson was being, about how much the younger was hesitating with his words, instead of blurting out whatever like he usually did.

Jackson all but groaned, his hands going up to his own hair, tugging ar the dark strands in a desperate gesture. His round, beautiful eyes were bouncing from Mark to the floor to the walls and back to Mark, and all the while Jackson kept chewing on his lip until it was turning raw and red, distraught. What on earth was going on?

“What? Jackson, what do you want? I don’t understand.” Mark finally said, exasperated. The familiar lump was back up his throat, his voice still hoarse and rough from sleep, and something unpleasant lurked on his shoulder, telling him to flee as soon as possible because this could not bode anything good for him.

Jackson stopped yanking his own hair and dropped his hands to his side in some form of defeat. He gave Mark again that infuriatingly cute kicked puppy look from under fluttering lashes and Mark groaned inwardly; he was losing his patience even though he really wanted to help the younger. He always did, but this time he had no idea  _ how, _ because he had no idea what Jackson was after.

Before Mark could prompt again, Jackson gave another try. “Mark. Hyung. I–” Jackson began speaking with determination, but then just the couple words in, he faltered again when he looked up at Mark. Jackson made this odd, throaty, frustrated sound, motioning wildly with his hands for a few seconds, like that would make Mark understand. When that didn’t have the desired effect, he seemed to give up, stepping closer to Mark instead.

Mark, at this point, was more cautious than relaxed, so his reaction to Jackson approaching him was to step back. It was good move until the moment he felt his back coming in contact with the cool wall and found Jackson now crowding him against it. Mark nearly panicked when the younger simply inched so close he could feel Jackson’s quickened breathing on his face.

Jackson slammed his right hand next to Mark’s head against the concrete wall, the sound reverberating in the otherwise quiet kitchen. His dark eyes were locked somewhere lower than Mark’s eyes. “Jackson, what–” Mark began, but he was interrupted.

Soft, maybe a little timid, lips sealed the rest of his complaint in as Jackson pressed his mouth against Mark’s, the kiss so hesitant it stunned him to silence.

It was as if he was kissing a stranger, someone who was a polar opposite to what Jackson normally was when they were kissing. This new and slightly unnerving version of the younger rapper felt almost felt almost fragile to touch. Usually Jackson was nothing but fierce and boisterous, a coy smile on his full lips as he tormented Mark, causing the older to lose his cool and claim the smiling lips as his own. 

This was the first time Mark could recall that Jackson had initiated a kissing session, which in itself was a remarkable feat, but what was even more perplexing was that it was also the first time a kiss of theirs was so… Mark was grasping for words, his brains turning into soft mush as he felt himself relaxing and melting into the kiss, responding to the movement. He didn’t even realise he was no longer even trying to stop himself from surrendering to Jackson once more.

When Jackson reached up to cup Mark’s face with his left hand the older felt his knees almost buckle under him. The way the younger did it made something huge shift in Mark’s stomach; the touch on his cheek was so gentle, so careful and he could feel Jackson actually  _ trembling. _ What was going on? Why was this moment so filled with emotion? Why was Jackson doing this to him? Was this a joke or some kind of an experiment that would lead to Mark’s downfall?

Mark shoved the circling questions to back of his mind for now, choosing to focus on wrapping both of his arms carefully around Jackson’s waist, like the younger would break from the touch if he squeezed too hard, and from the heated moments of sex they had had Mark knew that Jackson definitely wouldn’t. Mark was unsure this was the right thing to do, but instead of being able to stop himself, he gave into the gentle coaxing Jackson was doing, pressing close. Mark gently pulled the younger closer, sinking into the wonderful feeling of being held like this, savouring the wonderful, warm, sweet sensations that were making him feel like he was… What was the word he was looking for again? It was just on the tip of his tongue.

And then it dawned on him.

_ Loved. _

_ That _ was the feeling,  _ that _ was the word he had been trying to find, and now that he had, it possessed his mind, taking over everything else. It was nearly gut-wrenching to realise that the small flickering emotion inside his chest was now growing bigger with each soft move on his lips, with each shared breath the  _ hope _ was gaining strength. It felt  _ so good  _ to delude himself in the feeling of love, let himself forget everything outside of this moment and believe that the love was real.

Mark’s heart was beating so loudly Jackson could surely hear it. Could Mark afford to hope? Could he really? He had so long been sure there could never be anything real between the two of them, only moments filled with lust and the search for release.

Jackson was so warm against him, his hands resting unmoving on Mark’s hips as if he wasn’t even thinking of allowing them the freedom of sneaking under the t-shirt Mark was wearing, to explore the plains of skin they had roamed over many times before. The moment was almost too sweet to be true, so unbelievable it felt to be kissing Jackson like this, and Mark, his mind spinning from unexpected elation, could feel himself smiling into the kiss.

It was almost innocent in the way the kiss was just so pure and chaste, not chasing after something or trying to arouse interest. It just  _ was, _ and everything else faded around it.

It would have been perfect if Jinyoung hadn’t picked that precise moment to enter the kitchen.

“You know,” Jinyoung drawled, words lazy and sleep-hazy, “The intended outcome of yesterday wasn’t you two starting to make-out in places where you would most likely get caught.”

They jumped apart guiltily the moment Jinyoung spoke, snapping out of the bubble they had comfortably created for themselves. Mark knew he was blushing, embarrassed and so confused about what had just happened, of  _ how _ they had been kissing, that he found himself momentarily stunned into silence.

Jackson, on the other hand, seemed to immediately regain the ability to speak that he hadn’t had moments before, when it would have been important. His voice was tinny, hysterically high as he exclaimed, “Oh! Jinyoungie! Good morning! Fancy meeting you here! Mark and I were just–”

At least Jackson was also blushing and flustered. Mark could console himself with that.

“Making out. In the kitchen. Where we eat and make food. Yeah, I saw.” Jinyoung’s voice was dry, but there was an amused sparkle in his eyes. He was teasing Jackson.

Jackson let out a high giggle, then seemed to change tactics. He left Mark’s side to bounce over to Jinyoung, getting into the Korean man’s space to drape an arm over a shoulder. Jackson tilted his head coyly, mischievously, batting his eyelashes at Jinyoung before asking exaggeratedly, “Like what you saw?”

And yeah, Mark was out.

“I’m going back to sleep,” he informed the two before they could get started on their usual playful banter. He took his water glass from the table and started making his way down the hall, back to his room.

He could still hear Jinyoung and Jackson talking behind him, voices lowered, but not enough that Mark’s ears wouldn’t have picked it up.

”So you talked?” A heavy pause, after which Jinyoung exclaimed, “You didn’t?! Jackson…”

“It’s just  _ so hard _ to talk to him,” Jackson’s voice was whiny, and Mark picked up his pace, not wanting to hear it, knowing already what was coming next– ”He’s just  _ so quiet,  _ it’s like–”  _ Talking to a wall. _

It was with utmost control that Mark didn’t slam the door to his room in his hurry, but he just about managed. He didn’t want to make a scene. He had heard those words out of Jackson’s mouth many times before. They shouldn’t hurt anymore, but they did.

He fumed as he stomped his way over to his bed, putting the water glass down on the bedside table with more force than necessary. Jackson found it hard to talk to him, what else was new. Jackson clearly had no problems talking to  _ Jinyoung _ though, although the Korean male was similarly more reserved and quiet, like Mark was. Mark was overwhelmed by the strength of the surge of jealousy that went through him at the thought. He didn’t doubt that the two of them were just platonic, but it merely irked him to hell and back to know and see how  _ close _ they were, how well they communicated, how easy Jackson found it to apparently rant his heart out to Jinyoung, when Mark was left in the dark. Because he was  _ hard _ to talk to, although the oldest did nothing but listen and pay attention to any word spilling out of Jackson’s mouth.

At least Jackson had clearly been  _ trying _ to say something to Mark earlier, before the kiss, but why on earth was it so hard? Why couldn’t he just spit it out, say whatever he wanted to say and be done with it?

And what was the deal with that kiss anyway? Jackson had kissed him so reverently, like it was special and he had meant it, which only served to make Mark more confused, as he was flooded with hope for more. But other than that, Jackson had shown no real indication of feelings of the romantic nature towards Mark, so getting worked up over just one kiss was ridiculous.

Flopping back down on the bed he had only reluctantly left this morning, Mark groaned into his pillow. Why was Jackson making things so complicated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! A chapter with no smut, what is this.
> 
> This is us to getting to the feelings part, that is what this is. After this there should only be 1-2 chapters left, dunn dunnn dunnnn!
> 
> This chapter took a very short while to write, most of it was written during one Sunday :D We will perhaps reserve another weekend when we are free to do the next one hahaha~
> 
> Please leave your kudos and comments to let us know what you liked and how we're doing ♥

**Author's Note:**

> There you go, the first fruitful part of our relay turned into the first chapter, how did you like it? Let us know with kudos or comments if you'd like us to continue, or come talk to us on our twitters [cffn](https://twitter.com/tuanoiuknow) & [seitsemannen](https://twitter.com/seitsemannen)~ ♥


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